A joke for Friday

[seagull over spain]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

 

[Schrödinger's Toad]

Guffawed at one of Bernard Manning's last night:

My friend called from Africa last night - apparently he's managed to get himself a job circumcising elephants ... the pay's awful, but the tips are enormous!

(boom boom!)

 

[Tazman]

There was a fly hovering six inches above a pond.

There was a fish in the pond that said, "If that fly dropped six inches, I could get it."

A bear was behind the fish and he said, "If that fly dropped six inches, the fish would get the fly, and I would get the fish."

A hunter was behind the bear and he said, "If that fly dropped six inches, the fish would get the fly, the bear would get the fish, and I would get the bear."

A mouse happened to be behind the hunter, and he said, "If that fly dropped six inches, the fish would get the fly, the bear would get the fish, the hunter would get the bear, and I would get the piece of cheese in the hunter's back pocket."

There was a cat behind the mouse and he said, "If that fly dropped six inches, the fish would get the fly, the bear would get the fish, the hunter would get the bear, the mouse would get the cheese, and I would get the mouse."

So the fly dropped six inches. The fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the cheese, and the cat went for the mouse but missed and landed in the pond.

What's the moral of this story?

Every time a fly drops six inches a pussy gets wet.

 

[Caveman]

A traveling salesman was driving along a lonely highway one cold, snowy, December night when, to his misfortune his car broke down. He remembered seeing a Monestary about half a mile back, so he got out, put on his thickest coat and trudged back to the Monestary.
When he got there, he knocked, and one of the Monks opened the door. He explained to them his problem and asked if he could stay the night, then call a mechanic in the morning. They said "Of course" and took him upstairs to the room he would be staying at.
The room was gorgeous, with a huge comfortable bed and even a fireplace. The salesman thanked the Monks a dozen times for taking him in.
He fell into a nice, cozy sleep at midnight. But, a couple of hours later, he was awakened by a terrible, blood-curdling scream, coming from the room down the hall.
The salesman jumped out of bed, opened the door, and ran to the room where the scream had come from. He opened the door, and inside the room was a large wooden chest. The scream occured again, and it was coming from the box. But when the salesman went to open the chest, a few Monks rushed into the room and stopped him.
"WHAT is in that box?!" The salesman asked them.
"We can't tell you, for you are not a Monk." They replied.
The salesman begged them to tell him, but they resisted, explaining only Monks could know.
Finally, in the morning, the salesman called a mechanic and was back on the road again.
But as the months went by, it really began bothering him. What was in that box? In fact, it bugged the salesman so much, that a few years later he actually quit his job and became a Monk, all just to know what was in that chest.
Ironically, he was located to the same Monestary he had stayed years before. On his first day there, he asked "Well, I'm a Monk now, can you show me what's in that chest?"
So the Monks took him to the same room that horrible scream had come from and there was the same wooden chest.
He stood by and watched with anxiousness as the Monks unlocked the box, opened the lid, and in the chest, there was...











........................>









......>









...>






<SORRY, CAN'T TELL YOU, YOU'RE NOT A MONK>

 

[Hydro Driven]

 

[Brighton Boy]

wot do you call one fanny on top of another fanny on top of another fanny?








Ablobk of flaps