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That would be Chester, four walls a door, no ceiling, walls covered in piss and a massive pile of shit in the corner

Palace lost 9 nil to Liverpool and Pompey lost 3 nil at home. I think we went second and had a jolly trip home.

Millwall '85ish. They hadn't lost at home for over a year and had just been promoted to division 2. We one 1 nil, possibly Fashanu. They kicked off from the kick off. There was a non stop conveyor belt of coppers passing from the back of our end of the stand, through several iron fences, into...

When we had Community Fibre installed, this young numptee got ready to drill a hole out the front of my house. As it was in an alcove where I keep records and my stereo, I requested he put something down to stop dust and rubble going everywhere. He got an A5 leaflet from his bag and placed it on...

So should life, but that's just the way it is!

How about everyone makes a tin foil UEFA cup. All 30,000 could be judged for a Blue Peter badge.

Badge, hat or occasional t-shirts or polos. Try not to double up. But everywhere I went this summer, on my 6 country euro tour, was 60% PSG, 25% Man U and the rest were mostly Chelsea or Real Madrid. I have been Albion attired abroad and walk past Utd or Chelsea adorned planks, just hours after...

My body was ripped in the 90s, now it's rippled. If I'd have known my hair was going to f off, I'd have done more creative things with it in the 90s. Not sure Major and Blair were any better than our modern shitshow though.

I'm having another go. Sat behind the child of Satan on a plane to Berlin in the 90s - Carol was her name. Saw Michael Gove on a train to the west country when he was the minister of education. My wife said I was definitely not to slap him, as it would embarrass the children to get thrown off...

Oh and shared a cab with Atilla in the 80s!

Shared a lift at Newham college with Ian Dury. Edwin Starr brushed my elbow whilst passing. Met Tony Benn when decorating a book shop. Prince Buster danced to my band. Garry Nelson bought me a cup of tea. John Cooper Clarke complimented me on my trousers. I'll stop there, but clearly I just live...

Whilst Bless this house was cak, my awesome neighbour Toby and his wife are the exact doubles of them, they even have live at home son and daughter. As for on the buses, my daughters stumbled onto an episode during lock down. The men - in their 40s and 50s, were playing a football match against...

Eleanor Marx lived on Vernon Terrace and the average Cumulonimbus cloud's water content weighs as much as 20,000 elephants or 5,000 blue whales. Geckos stick to things because the hair on their feet is so fine it creates a molecular bond. That's all I've got

It's a Jewish thing and you have been outed!

What's black and white and red all over? A panda smoothie! Not met a child that likes this joke yet!

Sorry enough of this already and obviously Monet.

Bonanza and Deadwood. I've actually been to the Ponderosa Ranch!

Tommy Trinder or Arthur Askey?

The Producers!

Tiswas!