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A dürüm is still not a British Doner, Turks call that a wrap in England. I wouldn't call it cultural appropriation, as it was created by British Turks.

A German Döner is very different to the British Doner kebab. The meat is cut with beef and a rolled flat bread is used instead of the naff pitta bread. The salad is more sophisticated as well. There is now many German döners available across the UK, but they are not the indigenous 11:30pm with...

Donner kebab - no one would eat anything like that in Turkey. Thinking everywhere else is shit. Being a dick when drunk. Sorry that was Three.

What about Chelsea?

Or just read a book

In the pub at Oldham we thought the barmaid had given the wrong change! Then got fed for nothing after we were invited to eat at the wedding reception in the next room. Got so drunk the stewards had to help me through the half turnstile.

Occasionally poster Tallulah closes in on his 100th country to watch football in and is holding out for Qarabag. He has promised to sort it out for me to go if that's who we get, so yes please.

I was there, bloody awesome. I stayed in a B&B with Bob Ellams and his son from Glossop. I had met the wonderful old Communist and retired engineer shortly before at an Open University summer school in Manchester. We had to introduce the person sitting next to us to everyone in the room. When I...

They should build 2 million houses in Shoreham and encourage miscegenation. Populations grow, that's what make countries richer.

How do the kids learn how to shoplift without Woolies? Footie on Beach Green, Subbuteo with Papa Lazarou and Zefarelly and The Welly where about it for entertainment.

Tommy Boyd on radio Sussex in the '80s. All that talk gets in the way of enjoying music. Meanwhile John Peels contribution was beyond just DJ.

I was raised in Shoreham and left in '88 and my Mum still lives there. Whilst it has changed, it's been unbearably too slow. I spent my youth dreaming of being somewhere with something to do and waves of immigrants the size of Birmingham.

Every playlist I've put on my iPod for at least 15 years appears to have these 3 on.

Whilst I love Archer and South Park, it has to be the Simpsons. I have never seen the other one and am not sure if I've ever heard it's name before - it looks good.

My Mum washed mine at 60 degrees and washed the badge and NOBO off. She then did it again with next year's kit. The most annoying thing was that my mum had been banned from washing my clothes for 5 years already, after repeatedly ruining everything I bought from Carnaby street. So both had got...

Got my first the Christmas of my first season in '85. Two replicas spring to mind from Buckingham Road middle school in Shoreham-by-Sea in the late '70s. A new kid who had the diagonal stripe Palace shirt - who I swear was the guy in the Half Man Half Biscuit classic. We went to his birthday...

I visit Izmir every other year to see my wife's relatives. I've been following Goztepe from Izmir for over 25 years and they're massive and mental. The most terrified I've ever been when there wasn't a game occured when we were out and about and I was wearing a Goztepe polo shirt. It was...

My top 3 would all be Millwall away, they made a bonfire out of copper's helmets on the terrace once. The win in '85 was unbelievable and my first away game. The next 4 or 5 weren't any better, nor was a change to a New Den. Then going to Pompey at that time (85-91) wasn't that nice either.

The Ethiopians