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Thanks for the detailed response, and also for your willingness to share your views.

You’ve made it clear on here that you subscribe to a fair number of ‘conspiracy theories’. A genuine question: are there any mainstream ones to which you do not subscribe? Moon landings? Alien visitations? Aliens stored in Area 51? 9/11? I ask simply out of curiosity.

That could indeed be the reason… I fear that it was simply a poorly constructed ‘joke’ that misfired.

Bit early for 'We are the Champions' I thought.

Some quiet time has indeed been recommended.

Yes; a firestick sticking out of a USB socket. Hope that helps.

We’ve found Banham’s locks and monitored/reporting alarms pretty good.

Sold to the man in the flat hat at the back. Sorry - wrong thread.

Maybe it thought you were me?

Thanks for the guide price. I suspect mine will quote more than that (inside M25 prices). If you fancy a job up in Herts drop me a PM; no worries if not. At some point I gotta sort out an old 3-phase board too. Now that will be expensive I imagine.

Thanks both. Much appreciated. I decided to call the sparky to give me a quote for the 4 consumer units anyway, so he’s chuffed.

Thanks for the non-flippant response. Skimmed through them. You're right, there's good evidence from posts you made a while back that you're Albion.

An Albion-supporting piss taker is tolerated in an Albion pub. Probably not forever, and definitely not if they push it too far, especially after a disappointing result, but tolerated. Whereas a fan of a different club, especially if that club happens to be, say, Palace or Portsmouth, would...

Yeah, I kinda agree - hence my suggestion that getting a sparky in is probably the best option. However, given there really aren't that many wires and it's the blue (neutral) one dangling in space that surprises me, I wondered if there was simple fix that a sparky one may be able to suggest...

Just a central ceiling light chandelier thingy. 5 bulbs. No driver. These LED bulbs are definitely dimmable.

Wassat?

Oh believe me, when faced with something that I've never seen before my first instinct is to call an expert in (I'm in the diminishing group of people that believe that there's still value to be had from experts). And, if a Sparky on here doesn't say 'Nah, no sweat - just do this', that's...

Damn! I thought I'd got the edit in before anyone would have the chance to comment on that! OR... huh? I don't know what you're talking about...

We have a ceiling light with dimmable leds controlled by a touch sensitive switch. Recently, it has a disconcerting habit of randomly turning itself on. It’s been happening more frequently. I put this down to either a ghost or a loose wire in the switch. Having first flicked the lighting...

The club have let my mother know there'll be a light show in the Amex tonight between 19:20 and 19:26. Not quite sure why they didn't let me know! If you, or someone you know, suffer from light-induced epilepsy, you may want to stay clear of your seat until after 19:26. "I hope this email...