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Only those in the know, know. Know what I mean? (Taps nose knowingly).

Look sonny, you may have convinced your missus that......

Listen up you slaaaags. There’s been too much whining, wimpering and defeatism from you PUSSIES on here, it’s time for the HPAC to remind you what the Albion v Palace is all abaht. When we played Palace at Selhurst last time, a lot of the old lags came out of retirement. Scratchcard, Big Vern...

Proper rivalry in those days, Brutus Gold, tank tops, scarves r'and the wrists, sideburns you could fry an egg on, Hai Karate aftershave, wanking over Leslie Judd when Blue Peter was on, Slade, giving Palace a slap (and taking one too, but no whining to the OB), three day week, impressing a bird...

Listen you slaggggs. Time to co-ordinate, things are not going the way we want them to. We need to choose a match coming up soon, and at a particular time, say the 15th minute (remember York in 1996!), everyone stand up and turn their backs to the pitch for 60 seconds, then get back to...

If it is the club behind this, then perhaps we should organise a 'turn your backs on the Albion' campaign. After an agreed amount of time, perhaps 15 minutes, which was the time of the York City 'invasion' in 1996, everyone should stand up and turn their backs to the pitch for a minute...

Listen you slaagggs. We took a pasting on the pitch, and I've had longer shits than the time Lewis Dunk spent on the pitch today, but HACC have not let you dahn. We had arranged a meet at one of Palace's top boozers, The Slag's Head, and came up with a result. Can't say too much, suspect the...

.......and one of theirs was on a Groupon, savvy?

The OB would have to be faster than that to catch out anyone from HACC. Anyway, the night the off happened at Kings Cross we were all having a meal together, and Big Vern's mum will vouch for us as she was serving the crispy pancakes. It takes a real man to eat those straight out of the frying pan.

Palace have had the occasional victory, but often they have been all mouth and trousers. Before the McShane 1-0 match they had challenged us to a game of QI, and we were fearful when a new geezer, nicknamed 'The Owl' turned up for them. We initially thought that the name was due to him being...

Not boasting mate just saying how it is. The next time a little old lady gives up her seat for you on the train, just out of the fear and respect of seeing you in an Albion shirt or bobble hat, you'll know it's me who you have to thank.

Don't call me a joke son. I once won 27 games of rock/paper/scissors on the trot, and have a black belt (eighth dan) in Chinese Burns. Savvy?

Listen sonny, we're old school. We've been keeping the streets clean of Palace scum since 1973' when HACC was formed, arranging bundles and offs, and planting the Albion flag at their best pubs, kebab houses and pound stores, and believe me, there's a lot of the latter. No scarfers, no kids, no...

Listen you slaaaaaags, Saturday is important innit, and I and the rest of the HACC have put some extra antifreeze in the Austin Allegro, and we're out of retirement and looking meaner than Arnie, Sly, Dolph and Jason Stafam in The Expendables. We're the Hove Actually Cavemen Crew Palace, and we...

Juve worked it out sonny.

Leave it aht son. You're either ITK or NITK you know, and you're NITK. Savvy?

Wilkins was nearly 15 years ago!

Listen your slaaaagggs. Lots of people look up to the likes of myself, Armadillo Andy, Big Vern, Scratchcard and Uncle Morty as role models and THAT is why people look at our threads, it's a form of respect. Remember, when we were in our heyday you could walk the streets at night safely, old...

Were you there yesterday Kev? Massive crew, that was what was important son.

Exactly, the Blue WKD was flowing like water yesterday, Scratchcard Steve earned MUCHO respect from one of the Wolves generals when he won hands down in the karaoke face off before kick off (his rendition of 'I will survive' even brought a tear to my eye), and anyone who walked back to the...