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Only top boys are ITK sonny. When you’ve planted the flag in Palace’s top boozer then you’ve got something to shout about. Until then you know what to do, kushty?

Would rather have Adam Johnson that Boris.

Is the OP the arse who posted that a midweek match might be called off due to fog just for *bantz* and annoying the club who lost matchday revenue as a result?

I was working behind the counter at McDonalds on exactly the same day that Jeremy Clarkson came in and ordered a Big Mac that contained four different fresh deposits of semen.

I'm a pensioner and tapped a youngster on the bum recently as he was coming down a ladder after I'd lured him to my house on a pretence. I then offered him a beer in the hope of getting him a bit tipsy and having my wicked way with him, but he seemed to get wind of my advances and left...

Both Brooks and James were recommended by the scouts last summer but rejected by the analytics team, who make Bob Booker, the original clipboard kid, seem like Einstein.

David Brooks and Daniel James were both identified in the Championship by scouts last season & highly recommended for recruitment over the summer but whatever algorithm is used by the analysts at the club it rejected them. They would have cost less than £20m for the pair and Brooks would cost a...

Correct. Knockaert was Championship player of the season in 2017 and now he’s an angry, petulant, confused man. Izquierdo gave us pace last season but has hardly appeared in this one, ditto Groß and creativity. Ali J and Locadia both poor to date, Montoya an upgrade on Scheletto but not ripping...

I’m giving the West Brom game a swerve due to the lack of lack of chips in the catering area. I’m outraged. Regards LP

A million sovs for a Palace flag? Bless.

Oi Oi. Milk and two sugars love. It's going to get tasty that's for sure. Already those ITK have heard rumours of a Cluedo faceoff, could perhaps upgrade to Pointless, or I'm a Facking Hard Cannnt Get Me Out Of Here from Croydon petting zoo. Don't let the OB know though, don't want Dibble on...

Try one of these sonny. My mate Big Vern swears by them. Claims they give him a ring of confidence.

Fack me, typical Palace CANNNTS...don't they know the Albion v Palace Jackson Pollock faceoff isn't until next Wednesday?

Listen you slaaaags. Whilst you head wobblers were all getting your pictures taken at the United megastore last Saturday with one of the OB from Sussex who is a facking United fan (orright PC Daz BTW), us old lags were keeping up the reputation of the Albion by getting facking stuck into those...

Any EVIDENCE to support that sonny?

Given its clearly rigged next year we get one of our top boys, such as Danny Dyer or Jeremy Clarkson, to walk on stage, face the audience, drop their trolleys and drop an enormous plop in front of the audience. At worst we will end up with ten fewer points than this year. On the plus side we...

Listen you SLAGGGGGS. You may mock but if it weren't for the like of Millwall's finest, Pew, Pew, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb, you lot would be all eating sour cabbage and wearing Lederhosen.

Listen you slaaaaaaag. Those who know, say nothing, I'll just say Brighton 2 ( Ker Plunk, Buckaroo) Fulham 1 (Cluedo). It was no holds barred, women cryin in the streets, grown men aghast, but we took 'em on and planted our flag in their Manor. Savvy? *TapsNose*

No facking copper is taking me alive.

Sorted a little something my son. Don't ask where the money has come from, don't want the OB sticking their beaks in. If anyone asks, I know nuffink, and the rozzers will never take me alive. *TapsNose