Whitechapel
Famous Last Words
Jan Paul Van Hecke.
Okay, hear me out.
We have became famous for our ridiculous scouting. Players plucked from obscurity all over the world. Europe, South America, Asia, Lewes. No corner of the globe is off the radar for us.
There’s a string of success stories but who is the best example of just how good our scouting is? Step forward the best looking Dutchman we know*. There are probably some names that pop in to your mind first but;
Pascal Groß - Wasn’t known in the UK but was a solid Bundesliga player for two seasons before we signed him.
Moises Caicedo - Man United wanted him. He was a known talent, we just managed to sort the paperwork - thank you Billy Arce.
Evan Ferguson - Okay, out of form now but often used as an example. Wanted by Liverpool & Chelsea but picked us for the pathway.
Alexis Mac Allister - I haven’t got a good reason why it isn’t him, but he doesn’t play for us anymore so we’ll ignore him.
Karou Mitoma - J Leagues best eleven & won the league before we signed him. Linked with Celtic and a couple of other European clubs.
Carlos Baleba - Playing in a Top 5 league
Marc Cucurella - c*nt.
All great bits of business but when it comes to pure scouting… I don’t think any of them come close to JPVH.
When we signed him he’d played 16 professional games. 11 in the Dutch second division, 5 in the cup. THE DUTCH SECOND DIVISION. 11.
And now look at him. The term Rolls-Royce gets thrown around a lot in football these days so I won’t use it. But JPVH is a Bentley Flying Spur of a defender. His improvement over the last couple of seasons has been nothing short of phenomenal. Another monstrous performance today where he drove the team to victory. Fills the Dunk shaped hole when he’s injured and is surely in line for the captains armband sooner rather than later. And we got him for a pack of skips and a jaunty tune. The best bit of scouting we have ever done.
11 games.
NAC Breda.
Eerste division.
Tony f*cking Bloom
*Weird line when he plays next to Veltman who is clearly much fitter but we’ll let him have it.
Okay, hear me out.
We have became famous for our ridiculous scouting. Players plucked from obscurity all over the world. Europe, South America, Asia, Lewes. No corner of the globe is off the radar for us.
There’s a string of success stories but who is the best example of just how good our scouting is? Step forward the best looking Dutchman we know*. There are probably some names that pop in to your mind first but;
Pascal Groß - Wasn’t known in the UK but was a solid Bundesliga player for two seasons before we signed him.
Moises Caicedo - Man United wanted him. He was a known talent, we just managed to sort the paperwork - thank you Billy Arce.
Evan Ferguson - Okay, out of form now but often used as an example. Wanted by Liverpool & Chelsea but picked us for the pathway.
Alexis Mac Allister - I haven’t got a good reason why it isn’t him, but he doesn’t play for us anymore so we’ll ignore him.
Karou Mitoma - J Leagues best eleven & won the league before we signed him. Linked with Celtic and a couple of other European clubs.
Carlos Baleba - Playing in a Top 5 league
Marc Cucurella - c*nt.
All great bits of business but when it comes to pure scouting… I don’t think any of them come close to JPVH.
When we signed him he’d played 16 professional games. 11 in the Dutch second division, 5 in the cup. THE DUTCH SECOND DIVISION. 11.
And now look at him. The term Rolls-Royce gets thrown around a lot in football these days so I won’t use it. But JPVH is a Bentley Flying Spur of a defender. His improvement over the last couple of seasons has been nothing short of phenomenal. Another monstrous performance today where he drove the team to victory. Fills the Dunk shaped hole when he’s injured and is surely in line for the captains armband sooner rather than later. And we got him for a pack of skips and a jaunty tune. The best bit of scouting we have ever done.
11 games.
NAC Breda.
Eerste division.
Tony f*cking Bloom

*Weird line when he plays next to Veltman who is clearly much fitter but we’ll let him have it.
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