[Misc] Reminder to never put off contacting your friends for too long

zeetha · Dec 4, 2024

You never know when you might not get the opportunity to see/speak to them again.

Found out last night that a friend I've known for years is in critical condition in intensive care, and from the sounds of it may not survive. We had planned ages ago a meetup in January as the first date we could with our families all do, and I'd kept meaning to drop him a message to see how he was doing but kept thinking about it and then putting it off and forgetting. Hes 7 years younger than me, and in his late 40s so really didn't expect this.

Now feel massively guilty about not being in touch more, though obviously its his family I feel more for right now. Hopefully he knows/knew how much we all love him, and there is a more positive outcome to this situation than it currently looks like.

Not looking for sympathy, just feeling a bit shocked and sad, and don't want other people to feel guilty in similar situations.

Z

Jesus Gul · Dec 4, 2024

Hope he pulls through

Ooh it’s a corner · Dec 4, 2024

You are right @zeetha - hence live life every day. I won’t put a song here as many won’t appreciate it but Cody Johnson(Til You Can’t) sums it up perfectly.
I hope your friend improves

Albion my Albion · Dec 4, 2024

zeetha said:
Now feel massively guilty about not being in touch more

Guilt doesn't do any good for anyone, especially your friend in great need. Pay it forward by visiting a friend who isn't expecting it at all. It will go a long way in cementing your friendship into the future. Unless, of course, your friend is a Palarsch fan and in that case he shouldn't be your friend at all.

Couldn't Be Hyypia · Dec 4, 2024

I hope your chum pulls through @zeetha - and thanks for the timely reminder.

A few years ago I was moaning about how I'd lost touch with so many people. I'd got to the point where I felt guilty for not being in touch, which made it even harder for me to contact them.

A good friend of mine pointed out that we all feel like this (because life gets in the way) and that they probably feel the same way.

He challenged me to write down all the people I was thinking of. There were 14 in total. He then asked me to phone (not email, text or WhatsApp) each of them in turn. It felt like a big ask, but I went for it. I called all 14.

And as he'd predicted, all of them answered my call with a version of "It's great to hear from you. I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch, it's been too long".

So as Zeetha says, JFDI. Call those friends or family members who you feel you may have left for a little too long. They will appreciate it.

Weststander · Dec 4, 2024

I hope your friend comes good.

Great point. Also family/loved ones. Easy in busy lives for the years to pass by.

dazzer6666 · Dec 4, 2024

Sorry to hear about your friend. Other than that, great reminder to everyone though. It’s so easy to not do this…….often not even a conscious decision, more one of simply not getting round to it as life gets in the way. I’m making far more of an effort than I ever did to keep in touch and where I’m able meet up with people - popped down to Devon last week to see my old school mates for example, despite the timing being rubbish from my perspective. We’re increasingly losing a few these days so it feels even more important.

chip · Dec 4, 2024

Sorry to hear about your friend. Your post gave me the push I needed to do this myself, thank you

portlock seagull · Dec 4, 2024

Life’s busy, friends come and go throughout accordingly. I learned a long time ago not to try and keep contact just for the sake of. Just remember the good times you shared with your mate back whenever and whatever you had in common at the time. Don’t feel guilty for leaving it a long time, it works both ways after all.

Having kids especially for men is a friendship killer, particularly if not in close proximity. You sort of have to agree ‘see you in 18+ years time mate’ by when you’ve likely lost touch. Women however seem very able to maintain friendships despite life’s events. I’ve lots of girlfriends in this respect, probably more than men in fact. And a lot easier to stay in touch with too!

AstroSloth · Dec 4, 2024

zeetha said:
You never know when you might not get the opportunity to see/speak to them again.

Found out last night that a friend I've known for years is in critical condition in intensive care, and from the sounds of it may not survive. We had planned ages ago a meetup in January as the first date we could with our families all do, and I'd kept meaning to drop him a message to see how he was doing but kept thinking about it and then putting it off and forgetting. Hes 7 years younger than me, and in his late 40s so really didn't expect this.

Now feel massively guilty about not being in touch more, though obviously its his family I feel more for right now. Hopefully he knows/knew how much we all love him, and there is a more positive outcome to this situation than it currently looks like.

Not looking for sympathy, just feeling a bit shocked and sad, and don't want other people to feel guilty in similar situations.

Z

I'm sorry to hear about what's happened, there's a Skindred song pretty much exactly about this and it always hits hard but is an important message.

Jam The Man · Dec 4, 2024

Having suffered similar more than once, your post is spot on.
I really hope for everyone’s sake that your friends pulls through. X

zeetha · Dec 4, 2024

Thanks everyone. Sadly, as I feared given what had happened my mate passed away this afternoon. I'd hoped to go in and see them tomorrow as the family had said people could go in, but looks like things happened quicker than expected. Feeling very sad, but raising a

to him and remembering a good friend. RIP Dylan mate

Machiavelli · Dec 4, 2024

zeetha said:
Thanks everyone. Sadly, as I feared given what had happened my mate passed away this afternoon. I'd hoped to go in and see them tomorrow as the family had said people could go in, but looks like things happened quicker than expected. Feeling very sad, but raising a to him and remembering a good friend. RIP Dylan mate

So sorry Zeetha and RIP Dylan.
Courtesy of this thread that you've started there's some wonderful advice from especially @Albion my Albion and @Couldn't Be Hyypia

Super Steve Earle · Dec 5, 2024

Damned right. Couple of Christmas's ago, I planned to rekindle friendship with my best man with a proper catch up in January. Guess what? No Christmas card from him. Didn't know his partner, so checked the obits for Burgess Hill and there he was. Knew him from school too. Don't diarise too far ahead in life. Message for us all.

zeetha · Dec 6, 2024

Turns out, that the ywithdrew life support on Wednesday and the family were told to say their goodbyes and that it would soon be over, so they put the message out they'd said goodbye which meant we all assumed he'd gone. To prolong their agony hes no longer on life support but is still clinging on, but hes unconscious with no chance of recovery. The only silver lining was that it meant that I was able to go to the hospital this afternoon and spend a few minutes with him to tell him how much he was loved and say my goodbyes, even if it was only for my sake not his.

Don't even know why I posted this, just needed to get it out there I guess as I'm feeling quite s**t

dazzer6666 · Dec 6, 2024

zeetha said:
Thanks everyone. Sadly, as I feared given what had happened my mate passed away this afternoon. I'd hoped to go in and see them tomorrow as the family had said people could go in, but looks like things happened quicker than expected. Feeling very sad, but raising a to him and remembering a good friend. RIP Dylan mate

Sorry to hear :down:

…….awful situation (sorry quoted wrong post but thinking of you all)

Frutos · Dec 6, 2024

Wise words.

Very sorry to hear about your friend @zeetha.

I was in a similar situation earlier this year with an ex work colleague who I kept meaning to message and catch up with. Opened FB one morning to learn that he'd been killed in a car crash.

Thunder Bolt · Dec 6, 2024

zeetha said:
Turns out, that the ywithdrew life support on Wednesday and the family were told to say their goodbyes and that it would soon be over, so they put the message out they'd said goodbye which meant we all assumed he'd gone. To prolong their agony hes no longer on life support but is still clinging on, but hes unconscious with no chance of recovery. The only silver lining was that it meant that I was able to go to the hospital this afternoon and spend a few minutes with him to tell him how much he was loved and say my goodbyes, even if it was only for my sake not his.

Don't even know why I posted this, just needed to get it out there I guess as I'm feeling quite s**t

It is said the last sense to go is hearing. It’s very possible he heard your goodbyes and love.
I’m glad you were able to go, and that you posted it here. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It is a natural process.

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[Misc] Reminder to never put off contacting your friends for too long

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