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[Humour] Live Action Dad Jokes.



Bry Nylon

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm
Helpful Moderator
Jul 21, 2003
20,585
Playing snooker
Arrived at work this morning only to discover someone had written my name and number on a cubicle wall in the gents. Again.

Really, really pissed off. My number ends in a 7 not a 1, ffs.
 






jcdenton08

jcdenton08

Offended Liver Sausage
NSC Patron
Oct 17, 2008
14,664
Bry Nylon said:
Arrived at work this morning to be confronted by a woman from Occupational Health who said she was there to conduct random drug testing.

“No problem, I replied. “But I’m not trying crack.”
Click to expand...
I think you may have misunderstood mate. You see, the woman from OH was blood testing people for drugs, not offering them to you to try.
 


Bry Nylon

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm
Helpful Moderator
Jul 21, 2003
20,585
Playing snooker
jcdenton08 said:
I think you may have misunderstood mate. You see, the woman from OH was blood testing people for drugs, not offering them to you to try.
Click to expand...
Well that makes everything a lot clearer!

Why didn’t she just say that in the first place, then these hilarious work-place misunderstandings that seem to keep befalling me wouldn’t occur.
 








GT49er

GT49er

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Feb 1, 2009
49,205
Gloucester
Lord Charles said:
It's really bugging me, what was the name of that Austrian F1 driver who won loads of grand prix in the seventies.... Niki something?
Click to expand...
1732307313430.png
 


Stato

Stato

Well-known member
Dec 21, 2011
7,385
A mate of mine once went into a petrol station and found someone arguing with the bloke behind the till. His complaint was that it cost 20p to fill up your tyres, but it used to be free. 'That's inflation!' offered my friend. Not a glimmer of a smile from either of them.
 
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Chicken Run

Chicken Run

Member Since Jul 2003
NSC Patron
Jul 17, 2003
19,835
Valley of Hangleton
A woman in Perth WA was being helped by Police after complaining she’d be raped, describing the attacker as wearing white trousers and a white shirt with a green hat, the Police officer suggested “could it have been an Australian Cricketer?”

She said “It could have been he wasn’t in that long”
 


Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
56,277
Faversham


Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
56,277
Faversham
Car theft in multi-story car parks.

Wrong. On so many different levels.
 




S

Shropshire Seagull

Well-known member
Nov 5, 2004
8,793
Telford
The other day I was in a short queue to get some cash out of the ATM. The elderly lady in front of me turned round and asked me if I could help her check her balance .....



So I pushed her over ......
 










Rambo

Rambo

Don't Push me
NSC Patron
Jul 8, 2003
4,000
Worthing/Vietnam
Was explaining to a friend how Mat O’Riley came on and scored the winner against Man City the other week. ‘Oh really?’ he said, no, I said, O’ Riley.

I am here all week.
 




BadFish

BadFish

Huge Member
Oct 19, 2003
18,238
Accidental dad joke today.

My daughter has a white rabbit who has just lost his sight in one eye.

She asked me what I would call him if his name wasn't raspberry, with the instruction not to make any seeing, blind or eye jokes.

'Snowy' I replied.

'Our cousins have a can called snowy, what else?' she said.

'icy'
 




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