[Humour] Joke du Jour

Fiskmås · Nov 5, 2024

Aliens visit earth for the first time and it turns out they're the peaceful kind. An ambassador travels down from their mothership and begins meeting with the UN, heads of states, religious leaders and so forth.

When it's the Pope's turn they sit down together in the Vatican and the Pope says:

"I have only one question for you, who have traveled all the way from the other side of the galaxy. Do you know our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?"

"JC!!! Of course we do! Everyone absolutely loves the guy," the alien replies. "He swings by every few years and we throw a huge party. Have you seen his party tricks? The guy's hilarious!"

The Pope is stunned. "Every few years! That surely can’t be! We've waited more than 2.000 years for his return!"

"Oh dear, I don't know what to tell you," the alien says. "He just loves the chocolate, says he can't get enough of it!"

"Chocolate?! What on earth are you going on about?!" the Pope almost cries.

"Well, the first time he arrived, we all chipped in and bought him this huge gift basket of chocolates. Wait… what did you guys do?"

Harry Wilson's tackle · Nov 5, 2024

While I may be able to accept that the son of God has a way of overcoming the laws governing the space-time continuum, I find it hard to accept that an alien life form, no matter how advanced, could have found away to break the fundamental laws of physics necessary to travel the vast distance to get here from the nearest habitable planet.

Bry Nylon · Nov 5, 2024

The management and moderators of NSC would like to sincerely apologise to all those who invested time reading this :shrug:

A complimentary Joke du Jour is available in the foyer as a gesture of goodwill.

Tom Hark Preston Park · Nov 5, 2024

By 'he swings by every few years' the alien clearly means light years. Which makes 2,000 years in earth years two shakes of a lamb's tail by comparison. Could be quite a long wait til his second coming. Can't we just agree to worship a tree frog or something instead?

essbee1 · Nov 5, 2024

Bry Nylon said:
The management and moderators of NSC would like to sincerely apologise to all those who invested time reading this

A complimentary Joke du Jour is available in the foyer as a gesture of goodwill.

I want a f*****g ban for that crime against comedy.

CheeseRolls · Nov 5, 2024

I would like to know why the aliens always seem to choose humans for these conversations.

Ants and termites outnumber us.
If they have a point to prove go negotiate with the honey badgers and see how far that gets them.
Even dogs beat us into space.

Now what was the point I was trying to make again?

jcdenton08 · Nov 5, 2024

CheeseRolls said:
I would like to know why the aliens always seem to choose humans for these conversations.

Ants and termites outnumber us.

If they have a point to prove go negotiate with the honey badgers and see how far that gets them.

Even dogs beat us into space.

Now what was the point I was trying to make again?

Do honey badgers taste nice thinly spread on toast?

Coldeanseagull · Nov 5, 2024

Aliens I can believe, but JC? I call BS

The Clamp · Nov 5, 2024

I thought it was brilliant

5Ways Gull · Nov 5, 2024

Harry Wilson's tackle said:
While I may be able to accept that the son of God has a way of overcoming the laws governing the space-time continuum, I find it hard to accept that an alien life form, no matter how advanced, could have found away to break the fundamental laws of physics necessary to travel the vast distance to get here from the nearest habitable planet.

It was the abundance of chocolate at said habitable planet that I found more unlikely.

schmunk · Nov 5, 2024

Tom Hark Preston Park said:
By 'he swings by every few years' the alien clearly means light years. Which makes 2,000 years in earth years two shakes of a lamb's tail by comparison. Could be quite a long wait til his second coming. Can't we just agree to worship a tree frog or something instead?

You do realise that "light year" is a measure of distance...?

The Clamp · Nov 5, 2024

schmunk said:
You do realise that "light year" is a measure of distance...?

In space isn’t time and distance the same thing?

Is it PotG? · Nov 5, 2024

According to Brian Cox, we have the miniscule window but perfect balance of pressure and temperature to enable water to exist in all three states.
This makes life pretty unlikely anywhere else, apart from that Jupiter moon, were these travellers from there?

Cotton Socks · Nov 5, 2024

Either the Aliens misheard or Jesus was to young to remember but when he first arrived he was given gold, frankincense & myrrh. Not a box of Quality Street! It's all documented, if they could be bothered to do their research & not believe everything they hear!

Questions · Nov 5, 2024

The Clamp said:
In space isn’t time and distance the same thing?

It’s relative

Questions · Nov 5, 2024

Is it PotG? said:
According to Brian Cox, we have the miniscule window but perfect balance of pressure and temperature to enable water to exist in all three states.
This makes life pretty unlikely anywhere else, apart from that Jupiter moon, were these travellers from there?

No Ireland originally

schmunk · Nov 5, 2024

Questions said:
It’s relative

Actually now I remember a doctor who explained this to me.

Questions · Nov 5, 2024

schmunk said:
Actually now I remember a doctor who explained this to me.

Who ?

schmunk · Nov 5, 2024

Questions said:
Who ?

Yes.

METALMICKY · Nov 5, 2024

Cotton Socks said:
Either the Aliens misheard or Jesus was to young to remember but when he first arrived he was given gold, frankincense & myrrh. Not a box of Quality Street! It's all documented, if they could be bothered to do their research & not believe everything they hear!

Would never want to return as probably given a box dates in that white coffin shaped box or those foul dried up sugared fruit jelly slices.

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