[Humour] Joke Du Jour

[BadFish]

I got arrested earlier for playing Engelbert Humperdinck songs too loudly.





Home now.





Police released me, let me go!

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Which part of this is the crime?

 

[BadFish]

Which part of this is the crime?

Engelbert's back catelogue?

 

[Foul Play Rocks]

My Spanish neighbour has just told me off for playing Madness songs too loudly.

Miguel's mad at me.

 

[BadFish]

My Spanish neighbour has just told me off for playing Madness songs too loudly.

Miguel's mad at me.

Stolen

 

[BadFish]

One of my neighbours is refusing to turn down Dexy's Midnight Runners.

I said 'Come on Eileen"

 

[Ooh it’s a corner]

I asked my arthritic neighbour what was stopping him turning down ‘Alternative Ulster’. He said it was stiff little fingers.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I got arrested earlier for playing Engelbert Humperdinck songs too loudly.





Home now.




Police released me, let me go!

This would initially be an environmentalist health issue. The police can’t arrest you for that unless you had breached a restraining order.

 

[BNthree]

Do none of you have Spotify accounts? A lot of record playing being done.

 

[B-right-on]

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can’t tuna fish.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I got arrested earlier for playing Engelbert Humperdinck songs too loudly.





Home now.





Police released me, let me go!

Went to my doctor because I kept bursting into Tom Jones songs at inappropriate moments. Asked him if he'd even encounted such a case before. At which point we burst into a duet of It's Not Unusual

 

[METALMICKY]

My wife said she would leave me over my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking until I saw her face and now I'm a believer !

 

[Tom Bombadil]

Went to my doctor because I kept bursting into Tom Jones songs at inappropriate moments. Asked him if he'd even encounted such a case before. At which point we burst into a duet of It's Not Unusual

No, no , no, no, its

I went to the doctor because i can't stop singing the green green grass of home,
He said you've got Tom Jones syndrome,
I asked if thats common,
He said well, it's not unusual

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

No, no , no, no, its

I went to the doctor because i can't stop singing the green green grass of home,
He said you've got Tom Jones syndrome,
I asked if thats common,
He said well, it's not unusual

My bad

 

[Is it PotG?]

A friend of mine claimed he accidentally glued his hand on his autobiography.

That's his story and he's sticking to it.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can’t tuna fish.

Great album

 

[Eeyore]

I ordered a rare Police single online from a shop in Brighton.

When I got there a half naked woman answered and told me to go to the room next door and get undressed.

I'd ordered a massage in a brothel.

 

[hart's shirt]

Just met a lifeguard down the seafront who's Spanish and loves Oasis.

I said, "Maybe you're gonna be the Juan that saves me."

 

[Poojah]

I’ve been getting shit all day from my mates for throwing dinosaur puns into every conversation last night.

Honestly, I was so pissed I don’t remember any of it, but I’ve heard it from so many different people I suppose I Mastodon.

 

[timbha]

I got arrested earlier for playing Engelbert Humperdinck songs too loudly.





Home now.





Police released me, let me go!

Haven’t the Police got better things to do?