You might have heard it....but

[Seagull on the wing]

The Iraqi footballer.......
Kenny Daglish had a call from one of his scouts in Iraq,"Kenny come out and see this Iraqi kid,he is brilliant!"
Kenny goes out and sees how good the kid is and signs him on the spot and takes him back to Anfield.
That Saturday at home to Chelsea,there is 20 minutes to go and Liverpool are 4-0 down. Kenny turns to the Iraqi kid on the bench...Go on lad,just score as many goals as you can. The lad is a sensation,scores 5 goals.The boss loves him,the fans love him,the press rave about him.
He comes off the pitch and rushes into the dressing room,grabs his mobile and phones his mother.
"Hello Mum,guess what? he says"We were 4-0 down,I came on with 20 mins to go and scored 5 goals...everybody loves me!"
"Wonderful " says Mum,Now let me tell you about my day,your Dad was shot and mugged,your sister and I were gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters and in the meantime your having a great time.

The young lad is upset,"What can I say Mum...I'm sorry!"
"Sorry!! Sorry!!! Says his Mum.
It's your f***king fault we came to LLiverpool in the first place!!!

 

[GYM]

7/10
Made me chuckle

 

[sydney]

that is f***ing ANCIENT...!!

 

[Biscuit]

Very old one but still made me laugh!!

 

[Superphil]

An ant’s busily shafting a rhino – he’s really going for it, bonking this big old leathery lady, pumping fast, hard and enthusiastically.

While he’s frantically popping his tiny ant pecker in and out, a branch falls off a nearby tree and hits the rhino on the head. “Ow!” exclaims the rhino. “Yeah! Take it, bitch!” says the ant

 

[withdeanwombat]

This joke relocated in Afghanistan some years ago.

 

[Seagull on the wing]

As I said...YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD IT!! Would anyone come up with a joke nobody has heard please!

 

[pishhead]

"You can tell a lot about a person by their car."
For example: if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

"You can tell a lot about a person by their car."
For example: if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

As I said...YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD IT!! Would anyone come up with a joke nobody has heard please!

I certainly haven't heard this beauty before:

An ant’s busily shafting a rhino – he’s really going for it, bonking this big old leathery lady, pumping fast, hard and enthusiastically.

While he’s frantically popping his tiny ant pecker in and out, a branch falls off a nearby tree and hits the rhino on the head. “Ow!” exclaims the rhino. “Yeah! Take it, bitch!” says the ant

Brilliant

 

[The Grockle]

I brought my wife a new bag and belt for her birthday this year.........








.......you would not believe the difference it makes to her hoovering.

 

[Seagull on the wing]

I think animal testing is terrible...they get all nervous and give the wrong answers!

 

[Seagull on the wing]

Always wanted to drown my troubles...but can't get the mother-in-law to go swimming!

 

[smudge]

This joke relocated in Afghanistan some years ago.

It was Bosnia when I first heard it.

 

[GT49er]

What's her beef? Could have been worse, couldn't it?

 

[seagullsdaz]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
'No, because he's really heavy'

 

[c0lz]

The Iraqi footballer.......
Kenny Daglish had a call from one of his scouts in Iraq,"Kenny come out and see this Iraqi kid,he is brilliant!"
Kenny goes out and sees how good the kid is and signs him on the spot and takes him back to Anfield.
That Saturday at home to Chelsea,there is 20 minutes to go and Liverpool are 4-0 down. Kenny turns to the Iraqi kid on the bench...Go on lad,just score as many goals as you can. The lad is a sensation,scores 5 goals.The boss loves him,the fans love him,the press rave about him.
He comes off the pitch and rushes into the dressing room,grabs his mobile and phones his mother.
"Hello Mum,guess what? he says"We were 4-0 down,I came on with 20 mins to go and scored 5 goals...everybody loves me!"
"Wonderful " says Mum,Now let me tell you about my day,your Dad was shot and mugged,your sister and I were gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters and in the meantime your having a great time.

The young lad is upset,"What can I say Mum...I'm sorry!"
"Sorry!! Sorry!!! Says his Mum.
It's your f***king fault we came to LLiverpool in the first place!!!

lol that is bad but so funny