Whats the worst Poo Situation you have ever had?

[Munkfish]

Now last night was mine ( yep im sure your all glad you opened this thread now ).

Now it wasnt the fact i was busting or even the fact i shit myself... My situation was... that i had been for a run after work got in and felt like a shower.

now iv obviously jumped staright in the shower no signs of a poo anywhere, in fact could only of had one a few hours before

but the second i stepped out of the shower bang a big turd hit me

now if anyone has been in this situation its a right pain to wipe, as my dirty little poop hole was damp from the shower i had just had, thus making it near impossible to clean as the paper stuck to my arse, i ended up going at it with baby wipes and the problem was resolved but f*** me it was a pain in the arse.

Anyone else had this little problem, i dont even no where it came from the mystery little shit.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

if that's the worst poo situation you've ever had some would call you a very lucky man... ... either that or a liar.

 

[porkdog]

Well

A few years back i went to see my local supplier for certain substances and was a little to drunk and under the influence of powder. As i was there i felt my stomach rumble and didnt make it to the toilet in time therefore i shit myself all over his lounge with it all dripping out the ends of my trousers. he was not a happy man.

my mate spent last friday night staying at his bossed house and puked his guts up in the toilet bt also needed a shit and instead of wipping the seat and shitting in the toilet he shit all in her bin. he still has a job but wasnt happy.

Some people must have some stories, this is a great thread

 

[The Timekeeper]

Shit thread!!!

 

[NMH]

Down in Brazil I suffered a reaction to something.

I had clear water coming out of the wrong exit!

Must have cleaned my insides out pretty good, though. So not all bad.

 

[Munkfish]

if that's the worst poo situation you've ever had some would call you a very lucky man... ... either that or a liar.

Touch wood my stomach is useally quite good to me, bar the odd shart, but i get to the toilet in time for them.


A"friend" of mine though ( it is actaully a friend ) was having a shit in digital whilst we was out the other week, for a start never a pleasant experiance laying your ace in a club. whilst curling one out theres a bang at the door demanding he opened it, obviously he replyed im having a shit, they replyed im going to be sick and told them to f off anyway 5-6secs later this bloke kicks down the door and thows up in the toilet as my mate has stood up, he then wiped his arse and stuck the shitty tissue to the bloke who was throwing ups face, before leaving and washing his hands.

 

[Normal Rob]

dancing with nice girl in mates flat - all pissed after large (hot) curry.
Desperate need for curry shit ensues.
queue for loo - same girl behind me in queue.
get into loo - huge anal explosion. Bog covered in mess.
Flush doesn't work - end up scraping shit down side of loo with bog roll and then layering roll on top to hide the appalling mess.

8 years later - married to girl with 2 gorgeuous children.

 

[Gritt23]

8 years later - married to girl with 2 gorgeuous children.

But does she ever let you have a curry?

 

[Normal Rob]

But does she ever let you have a curry?

yes - it was my mates stag do that night and as best man i felt obliged to get hammered and eat the hottest curry possible. Nowadays curry evenings are a litle more sedate (normally)

 

[Marc]

years ago, I had a dodgy stomach and got the train at Shoreham with a few beers on a fancy dress birthday shindig to brighton. Stomach rumbled at hove close call! Got to Brighton Station and the bastard toilets were shut so went for a piss outside and the ringer opened to a mini torrade of slimy poo into my boxers. Hot footed it to the pub (this being the Fortune Of War on the seafront so quite a way, still not sure why i did'nt go in the nearest pub to the station.....) and flushed the dirty boxers down the pan and finished off the slimy shite.

Rest of the night I was fine and COMMANDO so everything was great

 

[Juan Albion]

Now last night was mine ( yep im sure your all glad you opened this thread now ).

Now it wasnt the fact i was busting or even the fact i shit myself... My situation was... that i had been for a run after work got in and felt like a shower.

now iv obviously jumped staright in the shower no signs of a poo anywhere, in fact could only of had one a few hours before

but the second i stepped out of the shower bang a big turd hit me

now if anyone has been in this situation its a right pain to wipe, as my dirty little poop hole was damp from the shower i had just had, thus making it near impossible to clean as the paper stuck to my arse, i ended up going at it with baby wipes and the problem was resolved but f*** me it was a pain in the arse.

Anyone else had this little problem, i dont even no where it came from the mystery little shit.

Did you consider doing your best with the paper and the baby wipes and then GETTING BACK IN THE SHOWER to finish the job properly?

 

[clapham_gull]

I started to feel very ill a few years ago whilst walking through that little park round the back of the Houses of Parliament.

I had to run into the bushes by the main road, drop my trousers and let everything out. Had to clear myself up with nature's Andrex. Thank god it was Autumn.

This was is in broad daylight and vividly recall an armed Policement, the other side of the railings, probably 3 or 4 metres away.

Slightly disturbing that his highly trained nose didn't pick up the act of terrorism I'd left only feet away.

Definately got caught very Claire Short and it was the Mother of Parliamentary clearouts. An opening very much defined by a messy emergency sitting as opposed to a nice Black Rod.

 

[looney]

I had clear water coming out of the wrong exit!

Colitis, either follows constipation or youve been putting things up your shitbox.

 

[looney]

Down in Brazil I suffered a reaction to something.

I had clear water coming out of the wrong exit!

Must have cleaned my insides out pretty good, though. So not all bad.

Ive added inbold.

"Microscopic Colitis

Two diseases make up this group of colon inflammation, collagenous colitis and lymphocytic colitis. In these diseases, the inflammation is caused by some layers of the colon wall becoming engorged with either collagenjizz or lymphocytes. Watery, non-bloody diarrhea is the most common symptom.

This is an uncommon illness that is seen more frequently in older womenlol. The cause is unknown but an auto-immune potential may existAIDS.
http://www.emedicinehealth.com/colitis/article_em.htm

Definition of Collagen

Collagen: Collagen is the principal proteinMan batter of the skin, tendons, cartilage, bone and connective tissue.

Any othe symptoms, salty taste in the mouth? A penchant for wearing leather hotpants or womens clothing?
If you experianced a headache as well that would be your forehead bashing into the headboard.

Hope this helps.

 

[vegster]

While bait-digging in the Gweek Estuary at low tide a long way from a public convinience I became aware of an impending "event "

I staggered across the mudflats to find some cover to shit in the woods. By good fortune, I found a lightly wooded area containing a Sea Scout camp deserted apart from a dozen or so canoe's. I managed to find 2 canoe's alongside each other and managed to balance each arse cheek on a separate Canoe. I then allowed full vent to my needs and had a most satisfying time laying my marker in the gap between the 2 canoes. I still worry about how soon those boats were going to be moved after I had left

 

[Stoichkov]

A few years back I went camping in the Alps and, for about a week, existed on cup-a-soups, noodles, pasta - that sort of thing.

I quickly became egg-bound for quite a few days until I finally had the urge to go.

I found a nice quiet patch of Alpine Woodland and curled out the longest, continuous turd I have ever seen. I'd started in the squat position and was slowly standing up and just as I was about to become upright started to panic.

However, I needn't have worried - just prior to me standing on tip toes, the weight of the turd made it snap off and lay on the floor like a huge brown cable. It was quickly engulfed by Ants and other woodland insects.

Actually, in retrospect, this may have been my BEST poo situation ever?

 

[mccraque]

i shat on a chalet maids head in Courchevel when top bunk in a 69. Thought it was just going to be a little guff.

major error.

 

[Stat Brother]

Wifey has just reminded me of our romantic Christmas trip to Prague.

In the square, the market was in full swing, selling doughy pastries wrapped around wood, blasted in an oven, covered in sugar, then straight in your hand too eat.
Blooming lovely they were, but did go straight through collecting everything else on it way.

The first time (yes I know that should be first & last, but as I said they were really nice), I was caught off guard. 5 mins after finishing my tummy was doing summersaults.

I charged in MacDonalds, upstairs (naturally), shoulder barged all doors, and just got my trousers down in time.
After the entire contents of my bowel, stomach, and probably a few lesser organs, noisily exploded and then poured from my botty, I was able to carry on with the day.

The skanky cleaning woman certainly earn't her 1 Krona, that day.

 

[John Bumlick]

MAJOR case of food poisoning a few years back. vile substances flying out of both ends. ran to the bathroom to eject some shit soup from my arse but, unfortunately, the rancid stench made my stomach want to join in. quick change of position to violently hurl my guts on top of the brown mess i'd just made. unfortunately (again) the force of the hurl caused my arse to let go again leaving me with arse coffee running down my legs, in my shorts which were still round my ankles, all over the bathroom floor and, quite impressively, a little splash running down the outside of the shower door.

 

[British Bulldog]

Mine was more a case of the one that would'nt come out, after about 2 weeks of pushing and nothing happening I got pissed off one night and had half a dozen large spoons of Lactulose, a handfull of extra strong senokot tablets, a bowl of sprouts and washed it all down with a couple of bottles of Strongbow. It done the job but I could'nt leave the house for about 3 days afterwards.