What would they be called if they were English?

[Hannibal smith]

With the World Cup upon us, our TV’s will be full of exotic sounding foreigners who make Michael Owen and Paul Robinson sound positively dull.

My questions is what would this lot be called if they were born here? The obvious ones are

Thierry Henry : Terry Henry
Robert Pires : Bob Pearce. I’ll bet Bob wouldn’t have a designer goatee beard and a girly hair cut either.

The better ones are

Rui Costa : Roy Cash
David Trezeguet : Dave Threequeers
Fernanado Torres : Steve Bull.

Any more for any more?

 

[Man of Harveys]

Not a footballer but: Antonio Banderas - Tony Flags

 

[Man of Harveys]

Bastian Schweinsteiger - Seb Pigclimber

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Laurent Blanc - Lawrence White (Retired)

Gilberto Martinez - Gilbert Martin

Henrik Larsson - Henry Lawrenson

 

[Napper]

Stefan Kuntz

 

[zefarelly]

Karl Heinz Rummenigger

Carl Likesbeanzrumandblackbootie

 

[Frutos]

Paolo Maldini - Paul OAP-Bus-Pass

 

[Robot Chicken]

Stefan Kuntz

Just did a Babelfish translation of his name and it came up with "Stefan Kuntz"

Outstanding.

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

Michel Kuipers = Michael Cooper (maybe)

 

[Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabadoo]

Christian Riveros (Paraguay) Chris Rivers
Paulo Da Silva (Paraguay) Paul Silver
Savo Milosevic (Serbia and Montenegro) Useless Lump

 

[Rusthall Seagull]

Frank Leboeuf = Frank The Beef!!

 

[Man of Harveys]

Oliver Kahn - Ollie Barge

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Pauleta - Paul (PORTUGAL)

Ricardo - Richard (PORTUGAL)

Love - Love? (ANGOLA)

Loco - Crazy? (ANGOLA)

 

[Les Biehn]

Jan Molby - Scouse Bastard

 

[Stinky Kat]

DirK Lehman = Dick Dinnermasher

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Lorenzo Pinamonte - Lawrence Pineapplemount

 

[Trigger]

Didier Drogba - Diving Twat

Ruud Van Nistelrooy - Red Rum

 

[Les Biehn]

Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink - ?? ?? ?? ?? ??
Harry Kewell - Harold Kewell

 

[Man of Harveys]

Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink

Now that's a name that has me intrigued when lovingly gazing down at my bursting Panini - where does that very English "of" (rather than the Dutch "de") come from?

 

[Trufflehound]

"Of" means "or" in Dutch. I guess his mother couldn't remember who the father was.