The World Cup - countdown to disaster

[Tooting Gull]

Yes, we've actually got a chance this time so the inevitable is happening - we've opted good and early to hang ourselves. The squad is falling apart before our very eyes.

What else can go wrong between now and June? Let's hear your news predictions/best tabloid efforts at destabilising the squad.

March - All three of England's goalkeepers for the Egypt friendly are arrested in a vice swoop that has been tracking shipments of heroin to Cairo. Five years in jail apiece.

 

[Notters]

Rooney gets hung on a visit to Hartlepool.

 

[Gwylan]

Gary Neville says "I'm available"

 

[Marshy]

With that Italian Clown continuing to pick Heskey did we really have a good chance ?

 

[Tricky Dicky]

Must admit, with all the other crap going on, I am losing more and more interest in the whole thing. Once Lampard gets arrested for being a trans-sexual hooker down the Kings Road with a penchant for dwarf-throwing, I'll probably give up completely.

 

[strings]

Saturday, 17 April 2010
Barclays Premier League
Man City v Man Utd, 12:45

Rooney clashes in a goal line scramble with Joe Hart, causing them both to miss the world cup...

 

[Mellotron]

With that Italian Clown continuing to pick Heskey did we really have a good chance ?

 

[Gully]

Wayne Bridge murders John Terry in a fit of pique.

 

[Tooting Gull]

Capello's mafia links?

DON AND DUSTED
England hopes hit as boss Capello is extradited

 

[Everest]

JT spends the night with Cheryl Tweedy

 

[strings]

JT spends the night with Cheryl Tweedy

Cheryl gets revenge on Cashley by sleeping with the entire Chelsea team, and the England team too (except Capello, he can take it or leave it).

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Ashley Cole goes postal in the dressing room after learning that pictures of his knob were found on Jermaine Pennants poo covered mobile?

Steven Gerrard Twats Carlton Cole in a row about which Jayzee track gets played in the dressing room?

 

[Mr Banana]

Average, second-choice (at best) left-back pulling out = "squad falling apart before our very eyes".

This really is a vintage day of gubbins on NSC.

 

[Tooting Gull]

John Terry causes a storm on arrival in Johannesburg after asking Nelson Mandela to shine his shoes.

 

[The Wizard]

With that Italian Clown continuing to pick Heskey did we really have a good chance ?

 

[Springal]

Saturday, 17 April 2010
Barclays Premier League
Man City v Man Utd, 12:45

Rooney clashes in a goal line scramble with Joe Hart, causing them both to miss the world cup...

lol?

 

[Simster]

Average, second-choice (at best) left-back pulling out = "squad falling apart before our very eyes".

This really is a vintage day of gubbins on NSC.

Spot on. It's not all that different from Andy Cole's "retirement" from international football.

 

[beorhthelm]

March - All three of England's goalkeepers for the Egypt friendly are arrested in a vice swoop that has been tracking shipments of heroin to Cairo. Five years in jail apiece.

and losing our first three keepers would change our chances how?

surely FDM could qualify under residency, so it could be a blessing in disguise?

 

[Pavilionaire]

I've had a premonition:

1. Heartbroken left-back Wayne found dead hanging from an overpass above the Manchester Ship Canal. Headline "BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS".

2. Guilt-ridden John Terry seeks solace with recently-abandoned Ashley Cole. Teammates witness a sex act in the showers. Headline "TERRY'S ALL-COLE'D-EN SHOWERS".

3. Outed Ashley Cole confesses love for former teammate and how drunken incident with David James in 2006 turned him gay. Headline: "CALAMITY GAMES SLIPPED THROUGH MY HANDS!"

4. David James, angry after gay slur, confesses to string of affairs, including an 8some with members of the same family and the WAG of a former teammate. Headline: "FROM SEVEN SISTERS TO VICTORIA - HOW I SCORED 'UNDERGROUND'".

5. David Beckham, outraged with these developments, is photographed kerb-crawling the city streets seeking solace. Headline "INTER MILAM-BORGHINI!"

6. In a show of force, Posh unites other WAGs against England sexual player revolt. Cheryl and Coleen fly to Los Angeles to be by her side. Wayne, driven mad with late nigths and a week of babysitting, sends dirty texts to now single Victoria Perroncel. Headline: "LOONEY ROONEY TRIED TO WOO-ME!

7. A week before the World Cup is due to start Cappello resigns over the rampant sexual antics and lack of discipline in his squad. Pressed for time FA bosses turn to two tried and trusted men. Headline: "I'LL BE BOK! DESPERATE FA SVEN'D IN THE CLOWNS AS ERIKSSON, MCLAREN REAPPOINTED."

8. 18th June - England eliminated from World Cup after embarrassing losses to USA and Algeria. Headline: "CAPE OF NO HOPE".

 

[strings]

and losing our first three keepers would change our chances how?

surely FDM could qualify under residency, so it could be a blessing in disguise?

Brezovan probably qualifies under residency too - he would be fantastic, as long as we remembered to substitute him just before 90 minutes!