Stupid little joke

[Uncle C]

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,and all the patients were shouting ,'13....13....13'
The fence was too high to see over,but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked
through to see what was going on.





Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'..

 

[Skint Gull]

So daft it's a little bit funny, I liked it!

 

[steward 433]

Agreed made me chuckle

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

I don't geddit...

 

[PCBEARDMLORD]

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"one-nil."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "Goal, one-one!"

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says - "Get in, two-one"

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, - "Two-Two"
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says - "I lead three-two"

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he shits the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"

 

[PCBEARDMLORD]

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid.

She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset.

"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You'd better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly... "I'll explain the dildo if you explain the kids!"

 

[footychick]

A man went swimming at his local leisure centre, he wondered why all the children ran away, then he realised that the S had come off his Speedos.

 

[Munkfish]

why did tarzan get lost in the jungle?














Coz the Jungle iz masive

 

[RM-Taylor]

All relatively humerous

 

[Vatican Citys No.2 Keeper]

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid.

She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset.

"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You'd better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly... "I'll explain the dildo if you explain the kids!"

A man went swimming at his local leisure centre, he wondered why all the children ran away, then he realised that the S had come off his Speedos.

Both those very good, made me chuckle for while

 

[MOG]

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

 

[RM-Taylor]

made me chuckle that did

 

[footychick]

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

 

[Uncle C]

Did you hear about the young blond call who walked into the Empire State Building.



You would have thought she would have noticed it.

 

[MOG]

Man goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."
"How's that?"
"Don't you start."

 

[pasty]

A man walks into a bar and asks "Who owns the massive rotteweiller outside?" The owner says "Me, why?" "Well my dogs just killed it" says the man. "Christ, what sort of dog have you got" asked the owner. "A shitzu" he said. The owner is incredulous, "How the hell can a little shitzu kill a bloody huge great rotteweiller" he says.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
wait for it
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"It got stuck in it's throat"

 

[Jahooli]

Two dyslexic skiers arrived very excited at the bottom of the slope...

"Tell me" says one"did we zig-zag or zag-zig down that slope just then?"

"Dunno" says the other "Let's ask that chap over there, he seems to have all the right gear on, he should know."

"Here, mate" says the first one"do you know if we zig-zagged down that slope or did we zag-zig down it? We're not sure"

"Don't ask me" the stranger replied "I'm a tobboganist."

"Ooh, can I have twenty Rothmans then?"

 

[house your seagull]

"Ooh, can I have twenty Rothmans then?"

like it.

 

[Mendoza]

D.N.A - National Dyslexic Association.

 

[nlf]

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when
the missus felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite
some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then
began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her
shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping
just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past
the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over
her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner
thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in
the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and
became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this unexpected caressing, she said in a loving
voice, 'That was wonderful, darling - why did you stop?'

'I found the remote,' he said.