Really awkward moment at urinals last night!!

[Brighton till i die]

Right so i was in the pub last night with family and my kids. When i went to go to the loo there was 3 urinals.

Straight away i had the hump as the bloke who was already in there decided it'd be a good idea for him to stand there, legs spread wide, hands on hips in the middle urinal - why do people do this when theres only 3?

So i thought great i've now had to stand almost shoulder touching this smarta**e. This is when the drama happened....

I dont usually suffer from stagefright but noticed he hadnt started his 'session' yet. I really needed to go but for the life of me it werent happening. Same thing was happening apparently with my new close neighbour. We must have both stood there for the best part of 60seconds (long time) with nothing happening, just staring dead straight not daring to make a noise or move head.

By this time im thinking i cant just leave, so im trying with all my might, and praise the lord eventually i managed start what id come to do. Strangley seconds later and it seemed he was ok too.

By far one of the most awkward and awful moments ive ever experience in a blokes toilet . Next time i'll use the shy boys room with the door

 

[8ace]

What kind of freak heads to the middle urinal of three? Surely everyone knows the rules?

 

[Grassman]

In these situations you cannot beat the old fave of repeating the seven times table in your head - by the time you reach 49 everything is ok. Of course Crystal Palace fans may need to try something a little easier, start with the two times table.

 

[Brighton till i die]

What kind of freak heads to the middle urinal of three? Surely everyone knows the rules?

Exactly mate. What the f***? Standing there like he f***ing owned the place!!!

 

[middletoenail]

Ha, brilliant - This same thing happened to me at work and I walked away without doing the business.. Very embarassing!

 

[Braders]

time to dig out this old chestnut again

GameScene Free Online Games: The Urinal Game

 

[Acker79]

In these situations you cannot beat the old fave of repeating the seven times table in your head - by the time you reach 49 everything is ok.

You get up to 49 x 7?!

 

[Peever]

time to dig out this old chestnut again

GameScene Free Online Games: The Urinal Game

Thought about that beauty right away. Sounds like the bloke in the story has never seen that before...

 

[BRIGHT ON Q]

time to dig out this old chestnut again

GameScene Free Online Games: The Urinal Game

That's a classic,got 2 wrong,never too old to learn about urinals!

 

[NMH]

Back when Brighton had several gents bogs underground, at the Steine, Clock Tower and the station to name a few - a lad not living locally and spending a whole day in town would have to use the public facilities (which stank to hell).

How many bloody times I went to use one of tens of unoccupied urinals and suddenly there's some weirdo right next to me out of all the empty stalls to stand at.
Brighton earned its' reputation as a queer place some time ago.
I learned to pretend to be using the stall for a few seconds to make sure I could get on with peeing undisturbed, then when some bent toilet trawler wandered over I'd just walk away and use another stall.

Another thing of note was that in those insecure days, some geezers obviously feeling some threat to their machismo by even being in a men's lav, would have to do a huge loud "ccckkkkkk" and hock up a grolly and "sthpppah" spit as loudly as possible as if to make some sign of something, by doing so. Silly bloody twats.

However, back to this cool story bro's;
'Stage fright' is because you are aware of what the bloke next to you is doing. Since he was there first, the onus was on him to gerron-wi'-it and not mess about standing there like a statue. Maybe a dodgy prostate, and you should have mentioned to him to get that checked. That's the sort of thing you can discuss together as chaps, and he would be honoured to know that you cared.
Saying "nice circumcision mate" is a little too much though, perhaps get chatting about the football first.

 

[Green Cross Code Man]

Exactly mate. What the f***? Standing there like he f***ing owned the place!!!

Have you considered that there may have been someone else using the outer urinal prior to this? Therefore the chap at the middle urinal may have just taken the next one and not disobeyed the rules

 

[Return of the Rev]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNjXSF6npZA always makes me chuckle

 

[chucky1973]

time to dig out this old chestnut again

GameScene Free Online Games: The Urinal Game

2 wrong for me.........for the record, I usually head to the cubicle to have a piss, had a mare of a situation about 6 years ago, when at a urinal, a man beside me (a little drunk it had to be said) pissed over my shoes (both) and for that reason and that reason alone, I now head for the cubicles.

 

[Peever]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNjXSF6npZA always makes me chuckle

legend

 

[sparky999]

what a useless thread....

u must be some sad git....

 

[Hiney]

What kind of freak heads to the middle urinal of three? Surely everyone knows the rules?

Absolutely this. He then compounds his schoolboy error by standing there with his hands on hips.

POOR form.

 

[fork me]

Absolutely this. He then compounds his schoolboy error by standing there with his hands on hips.

POOR form.

Deserves to be pissed ON.

 

[Return of the Rev]

Did anyone else take home a goldstone urinal cake after the donnie game? or was it just me

 

[Hiney]

Did anyone else take home a goldstone urinal cake after the donnie game? or was it just me

Strangely, I was on the pitch cutting up the TURF, rather than wallowing in 95 year old PISS

 

[Fef]

Did anyone else take home a goldstone urinal cake after the donnie game? or was it just me

I always thought that those pineapple chunks had a bit of a funny taste.