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People not at Glastonbury begin enjoying plight of those who are (Daily Mash)
- Thread starter Wozza
- Start date
fire&skill
Killer-Diller
MILLIONS of people not at the Glastonbury Festival have started relishing the abject suffering of those who are.
In what has become an almost-yearly ritual, the vast majority of people in the UK are loving the torrential rain that has descended on the world's biggest music festival, transforming the site into a muddy hellpit full of twats.
Tom Logan, a 36-year-old plumber, said: "You absolute beauty. I hope they paid a lot of money for this. I hope this is their summer f***ing holiday.
"Wouldn't it be great if there are lots of young people who've just finished their A Levels or some f***ing thing? Have fun you smart-arsed little shits.
"And hopefully it'll continue chucking it down throughout the weekend, triggering an epidemic of some prehistoric bacteria that makes them puke their lungs up."
He added: "Despite its European name, schadenfreude is more British than a bulldog eating a scone."
However those at the festival are determined to keep pretending to enjoy themselves despite the medieval conditions.
Student Emma Bradford said: "Tonight I'm going to be standing in the vast puddle of filth that is the field containing the semi-submerged Pyramid Stage, waving my home-made banner at Tinie Tempah as if I'm not actually thinking about being in a proper bed, in a building with a roof on it.
"I'm totally stoked about being here."
Bill McKay added: "Look at this banner I've made, it says 'Brighton Boyz' on it. Or at least it did, it's kind of been a bit ruined since I used it to mop up the effluent filling my tent."
Meanwhile, meteorologist, Jane Thompson, explained: "Scientifically speaking, if you insist on booking Bono and putting him on a pedestal to be worshipped, God will try to drown everyone within a five mile radius."
skipper734
Registered ruffian
It's true. ( How dare he use his Brighton Boyz banner to mop up effluent, should have saved it for the 27th of September.)
Norman Potting
Well-known member
Cruel, yet funny.
Brighton Breezy
New member
Daily Mash is such a good website. Best around (apart from NSC...)
tinx
Well-known member
I love the last line about Bono.
Tony Meolas Loan Spell
Slut Faced Whores
Su-f***ing-perb
Tony Meolas Loan Spell
Slut Faced Whores
BBC News - Health warning to festivalgoers
Health warning to festivalgoers
Crowds create infection risks Continue reading the main story
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Hearing risk for festival goers
The dangers of crowd surfing
Too much alcohol, drugs, and sex, coupled with poor hygiene, can be a health risk at festivals, an expert is warning.
Sunburn, heat stroke, sprains and other minor ailments make up most casualties at music events, says Dr Mark Salter of the Health Protection Agency.
But there are occasional reports of sexual health problems, heart attacks and chest complaints.
Avoiding doing anything to excess is the best way to stay healthy, he adds.
Dr Salter, a consultant in communicable disease control at the HPA's Health Protection Unit in the South West has been attending festivals, including Glastonbury, for 20 years, to offer health protection advice.
Continue reading the main story
More top tips for festival health
Anyone who is unwell before a festival, particularly with diarrhoea and sickness, should not go to prevent spreading infection
Take a good supply of existing medicines and pack them in luggage
Find out where health services are at the festival, and seek help if you fall ill
Drinking water should be taken from potable water taps which are signposted
Source: Dr Mark Salter, HPA
His "top tips" for surviving festivals include using condoms, drinking plenty of water from a safe source, wearing a hat and sunscreen, and washing hands thoroughly after using the toilet.
Dr Salter said: "Avoid doing anything to excess is the best way to protect your health if you are visiting a festival this year.
"My experience of providing health advice and assistance at festivals for over 20 years tells me that people generally end up being unwell due to the combination of too much alcohol, drugs, sex and less than ideal hygiene.
"It is inevitable when suddenly thousands of people crowd together at a rural site with no fixed toilet system or bathing facilities and lots of alcoholic drinks that some people will become unwell as the risk of infection increases.
"It is therefore essential to follow good hygiene practices and wash your hands thoroughly after using the toilets."
Health warning to festivalgoers
Crowds create infection risks Continue reading the main story
Related Stories
Hearing risk for festival goers
The dangers of crowd surfing
Too much alcohol, drugs, and sex, coupled with poor hygiene, can be a health risk at festivals, an expert is warning.
Sunburn, heat stroke, sprains and other minor ailments make up most casualties at music events, says Dr Mark Salter of the Health Protection Agency.
But there are occasional reports of sexual health problems, heart attacks and chest complaints.
Avoiding doing anything to excess is the best way to stay healthy, he adds.
Dr Salter, a consultant in communicable disease control at the HPA's Health Protection Unit in the South West has been attending festivals, including Glastonbury, for 20 years, to offer health protection advice.
Continue reading the main story
More top tips for festival health
Anyone who is unwell before a festival, particularly with diarrhoea and sickness, should not go to prevent spreading infection
Take a good supply of existing medicines and pack them in luggage
Find out where health services are at the festival, and seek help if you fall ill
Drinking water should be taken from potable water taps which are signposted
Source: Dr Mark Salter, HPA
His "top tips" for surviving festivals include using condoms, drinking plenty of water from a safe source, wearing a hat and sunscreen, and washing hands thoroughly after using the toilet.
Dr Salter said: "Avoid doing anything to excess is the best way to protect your health if you are visiting a festival this year.
"My experience of providing health advice and assistance at festivals for over 20 years tells me that people generally end up being unwell due to the combination of too much alcohol, drugs, sex and less than ideal hygiene.
"It is inevitable when suddenly thousands of people crowd together at a rural site with no fixed toilet system or bathing facilities and lots of alcoholic drinks that some people will become unwell as the risk of infection increases.
"It is therefore essential to follow good hygiene practices and wash your hands thoroughly after using the toilets."
