NSC's help required:

[Barnet Seagull]

One of the blokes I'm working with at the moment has a bit of a dilema.

He's been shagging a munta for about 3 months now (he was pretty desperate at the time)

She's getting a bit serious now and he wants to give her the old spanish archer.

Problem 1: She's acutally quite a nice girl (bar being aesthetically challenged)
Problem 2: Her old man's ex SAS
Problem 3: My mate's a complete pussy.

I'm expecting some decent advice here on how to get rid with no repurcussions.

n.b. Claiming he's gay would be too convincing, so not an option.

 

[CHAPPERS]

Why doesn't he just say that he doesn't want to get tied down.

That's the truth innit?

 

[Seagullible]

Just be honest and say it's not working out how your friend want it. Hard at the time I know but he'll get more respect and as long as there's no lies she can't have a go. Just don't mention she's a munter!

 

[Hampden Park]

f*** off to the foreign legion might be an idea

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Why doesn't he just say that he doesn't want to get tied down.

That's the truth innit?

Tried that,

Problem 4: He's weak.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Always an uncomfortable one to wriggle out of but there are options.


1. Treat her so atrociously, (while being nice to the Dad) that she ends up getting fed up and binning you.

2. Take her out for a drink and then blub uncontrollably about how you feel that you cannot ever love anyone properly and that you cannot bear to look at yourself in the mirror as you hate yourself for needing to be alone.

3. When she is out, give her the shock of her life on her return when she discovers you in her underwear on the couch with your bollocks covered in lemon curd singing D I S CO.

4. Ask if you can shove a hamster up her arse when making love to her as you find bestial sex a turn on.

5. Come on to her dad at a party.

6. Invite her out to London to meet some of your special mates and then take her to Astoria on a Sunday night.

7. Kill her.

8. Kill yourself.

9. Kill everyone in the world except yourself.



Good luck, and don't think you've fooled anyone with the old 'my mate' line. We know what you've been doing.

 

[rool]

tell her he is thinking of going into priesthood and that he needs to start going celebate asap as there can only be one person in his life

 

[saafend_seagull]

Cheat on her and get the boot

 

[Tom Bombadil]

Give him a slap. Tell him to pull himself together and tell her he doesn't see the relationship going anywhere.

For chrissakes as long as he's not callous about it or been making promises he never intended to keep whats the problem.

 

[Scarface]

7. Kill her.

8. Kill yourself.

9. Kill everyone in the world except yourself.

You nicked that from Blackadder!

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Well spotted.......another great from the Wise Women.

 

[rool]

she was indeed wise because she said kill bob when blackadder hadn't mentioned his/her name.

 

[Scarface]

Well spotted.......another great from the Wise Women.

Thank you young crone, here is a purse of monies......which I'm not going to give to you!

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Just be honest and say it's not working out how your friend want it. Hard at the time I know but he'll get more respect and as long as there's no lies she can't have a go. Just don't mention she's a munter!

Problem 5: He says he's tried that and she's still emailing and phoning him.

 

[Lush]

I'm sorry but your mate is a complete COWARD who having gone so far in the relationship now wants "Mummy to make the nasty girl go away".

He HAS TO face up to what he's done.

If you start something, you owe it to the person to give them a decent and honest explanation as to why you're ending it.

And not one of those "I never meant any of it" explanations either.

It's the only way he's going to stop the e-mails and phone calls.

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

Be brave barnet. You can do it.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

it's not me, I'm getting married this year.

 

[Simster]

Thank you young crone, here is a purse of monies......which I'm not going to give to you!

"Yes it is", not "that it be". You don't have to talk to me like that, I'm not a tourist.

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

it's not me, I'm getting married this year.

congratulations old boy ...............

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Thank you sir. Come December, they'll be a Mrs Barnet.