ExmouthExile
Well-known member
- Feb 11, 2005
- 1,804
Sorry if fixtures but....
Q: What do you call an Irish woman with 2 c*nts?
A: Jedward's Mum!
Q: What do you call an Irish woman with 2 c*nts?
A: Jedward's Mum!
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Joke du jour
- Thread starter ExmouthExile
- Start date
southern_sid
Banned
- Aug 5, 2011
- 986
Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"It's me Mummy... It's Maddie!"
"But... But it can't be... We buried you..."
"Yeah, I'm just f***ing about. It's Gerry, I forgot my key."
proper spat me tea out when i read that..
"Who's there?"
"It's me Mummy... It's Maddie!"
"But... But it can't be... We buried you..."
"Yeah, I'm just f***ing about. It's Gerry, I forgot my key."
proper spat me tea out when i read that..
binary
New member
A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat.
As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he asked, “Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".
He swallowed, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained," one popular myth is that African American
men are the most well endowed, when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish,"
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry, “she said, here I am telling you all sorts of things and I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said...
"Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy."
As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he asked, “Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".
He swallowed, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained," one popular myth is that African American
men are the most well endowed, when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish,"
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry, “she said, here I am telling you all sorts of things and I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said...
"Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy."
southern_sid
Banned
- Aug 5, 2011
- 986
my missus said to me the other day
"your always pushing me around and talking behind my back"
I said "your in a wheelchair you stupid ****"
"your always pushing me around and talking behind my back"
I said "your in a wheelchair you stupid ****"
Daffy Duck
Stop bloody moaning!
Absolutely brilliant! Just spat my coffee over the table.
mcshane in the 79th
New member
- Nov 4, 2005
- 10,485
I really can't believe anyone has ever spat their coffee over one of these jokes......
Gazwag
5 millionth post poster
This apparantly is a true story told to me last weekend by an American chap who I had just played tennis against.
He was told this by an american couple who live in London.
This couple has a large dog who occasionally jumps over the back garden fence into the next doors garden. The next door neighbours have a couple of rabbits kept in a hutch.
One evening their dog appeared at the back door with the white fluffy rabbit in its jaws, covered in dirt and dead,
As typical Americans their first thought was "Oh my God their going to sue us" so Mrs Amercian washes the rabbit and gives it a blow dry so it looks good as new. Later that night she jumps over the fence and puts the rabbit back into the cage, so it looks like the rabbit had died by natural causes.
For a few days they avoided the neighbours until a week or so later Mr American bumps into the neighbour in the street and is having a chat. When asked how the childen are Mr Neighbour says there are having a lot of trouble sleeping at the moment because of the rabbits.
Mr neighbour says "A strange thing happened last week, one of our rabbits, the white one died, so me, my wife and the children buried it in the garden, you know how children are, they said some prayers and put a little cross up".
"Next morning, the rabbit was back in the cage, it really freaked us out"
Needless to say Mr American made a rather swift exit.
He was told this by an american couple who live in London.
This couple has a large dog who occasionally jumps over the back garden fence into the next doors garden. The next door neighbours have a couple of rabbits kept in a hutch.
One evening their dog appeared at the back door with the white fluffy rabbit in its jaws, covered in dirt and dead,
As typical Americans their first thought was "Oh my God their going to sue us" so Mrs Amercian washes the rabbit and gives it a blow dry so it looks good as new. Later that night she jumps over the fence and puts the rabbit back into the cage, so it looks like the rabbit had died by natural causes.
For a few days they avoided the neighbours until a week or so later Mr American bumps into the neighbour in the street and is having a chat. When asked how the childen are Mr Neighbour says there are having a lot of trouble sleeping at the moment because of the rabbits.
Mr neighbour says "A strange thing happened last week, one of our rabbits, the white one died, so me, my wife and the children buried it in the garden, you know how children are, they said some prayers and put a little cross up".
"Next morning, the rabbit was back in the cage, it really freaked us out"
Needless to say Mr American made a rather swift exit.
rocker959
Well-known member
QUOTE:
I have a dream.....that one day many black people will all have a plasma tv and dress in the latest sports wear and trainers. Martin Looter King.
I have a dream.....that one day many black people will all have a plasma tv and dress in the latest sports wear and trainers. Martin Looter King.
rocker959
Well-known member
The Priest at Our Holy Father Primary School let the kids shave his hair for charity.He said at first it felt strange but it did make his cock look bigger !!
otk
~(.)(.)~
A bloke is in hospital, on his deathbed
A nurse asks him if he wants a priest
He replies, 'No, I don't feel like sex at the moment...'
A nurse asks him if he wants a priest
He replies, 'No, I don't feel like sex at the moment...'
Uncle C
Well-known member
"What's your name ?" "Colin f***ing Wilson" "Do you suffer from Tourette’s Colin ?" "No, but the vicar christening me did".
Uncle C
Well-known member
"What's your name ?" "Colin f***ing Wilson" "Do you suffer from Tourette’s Colin ?" "No, but the vicar christening me did".
Uncle C
Well-known member
Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidently swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction.
Devon Seagull
New member
Joke du jour........tres bon
ExmouthExile
Well-known member
- Feb 11, 2005
- 1,804
- Thread starter
- #18
Iamapen15
New member
Didn't spit my coffee out, but certainly stifled a giggle!
Seagull on the wing
New member
20 Irish youths have just looted Dublins Argos,they were caught...waiting at collection point C.
The Met will be using water cannons in future riots,they found that if they put Persil in it it stops the colours from running.
During the riots in Croydon Crystal Palace had their trophy cabinet looted. Police are looking for two glass doors.
Liverpool and Everton fans have refused to travel to London games.They have a fear that all the best stuff has been taken.
The Met will be using water cannons in future riots,they found that if they put Persil in it it stops the colours from running.
During the riots in Croydon Crystal Palace had their trophy cabinet looted. Police are looking for two glass doors.
Liverpool and Everton fans have refused to travel to London games.They have a fear that all the best stuff has been taken.