Joke du Jour

[essbee]

A young scamp pokes his head around the door of the bakery at the end of the day.

"any cakes left?" he asks.

"Loads" says the baker.

"Well, you shouldn't have baked so bloody many then" says
aforementioned scamp before legging it.

Baker ignores infantile comment (and joke).

Well I thought it was funny. Take it or leave it.

 

[sydney]

upper class woman " i just bought a four month old african orphan"
second upper class woman" oh how lovely dear , what are you going to do with it..?"
u c w " were going to hang him from the patio "
2nd u c w " why on earth are you going to do that ...??"
u c w " well it's so much more interesting than that sticky paper stuff isn't it"

 

[User removed 4]

upper class woman " i just bought a four month old african orphan"
second upper class woman" oh how lovely dear , what are you going to do with it..?"
u c w " were going to hang him from the patio "
2nd u c w " why on earth are you going to do that ...??"
u c w " well it's so much more interesting than that sticky paper stuff isn't it"

Thats quite distasteful really,cant laugh at anything to do with kids.

 

[Artois]

upper class woman " i just bought a four month old african orphan"
second upper class woman" oh how lovely dear , what are you going to do with it..?"
u c w " were going to hang him from the patio "
2nd u c w " why on earth are you going to do that ...??"
u c w " well it's so much more interesting than that sticky paper stuff isn't it"

I don't get it?

 

[sydney]

ok ...... seen worse on here mate. just had it texted to me and put it on here verbatim , didn't have you down as the sensitive type.

 

[sydney]

I don't get it?

fly paper

 

[brakespear]

Thats quite distasteful really,cant laugh at anything to do with kids.

yeah, that.

 

[Daffy Duck]

Bloke gets a new job in a zoo and the first day he has to clean out the piranha's fishtank.
One of them bites his finger really hard, so he hauls it out of the tank and whacks it on the head with a shovel. He looks around for somewhere to get rid of it hoping no one has noticed, and sees the lion enclosure next door. So he chucks the fish over the fence and the lion ate it all up.

Later that day, he has to clean out the chimpanzee pen. One of them attacks him and bites him, so he whacks it over the head with his shovel, has a quick look round to make sure no-one's seen, and lobs it into the lion's enclosure. Again, the lion eats it all up.

At the end of the day, he has to clean out the bees in their hive and he gets stung badly. By this time, he's really had enough and start whacking the beehive with his shovel, killing loads of them. Luckily, he still hasn't been seen, so he lobs the beehive with all the dead bees over to the lion.

Next day, a new lion is introduced into the lion compound. He goes up to the old lion and says "what's it like in here, mate?"

The old lion says, "it's really great. We've got loads of space and the grub's fantastic. Yesterday we had fish, chimps & mushy bees".

 

[5Ways Gull]

I was sitting at the lights the other day and there was an AA van next to me. The driver was in tears, looked absolutely devastated and completely distraught!
I think he was heading for a breakdown!

 

[Biscuit]

I met my girlfriend at the zoo.



She's a keeper.

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

I was sitting at the lights the other day and there was an AA van next to me. The driver was in tears, looked absolutely devastated and completely distraught!
I think he was heading for a breakdown!

That is terrible, but I admit I did smile

 

[mcshane in the 79th]

What's a shih tzu??







A zoo with no animals

 

[User removed 4]

ok ...... seen worse on here mate. just had it texted to me and put it on here verbatim , didn't have you down as the sensitive type.

Not having a major rant mate, just when you sit and think of the poor little sods , and then think of your own in the same position, anyway have a good weekend , its pub o clock here

 

[NMH]

Woman says to her Dr "I think I have to divorce my husband"

"why, what's the problem, is it medical?"

"well yes, he keeps wanting anal sex!"

"well, this is considered normal to some these days, has it become a problem?"

"yes, when we met, my anus was small like a 5p piece - now, it's as big as a 50p!"

"I think it would be a bit petty to end it, just over 45pence"

 

[NMH]

Old geezer sitting next to other old fart in rest home;
"this morning I felt like a 40year-old..... a woman of 35 winked at me and smiled - and I crossed the room without my zimmer!"

"that's nothing, I felt like a 2year old!"

"oh come on, how can you feel that young?"

"this morning I got out of bed, fell straight on my arse, dribbled and shit myself"

 

[seagullondon]

Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes