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Joke Du Jour



Dick Knights Mumm

Take me Home Falmer Road
Jul 5, 2003
19,707
Hither and Thither
I know it may have been on here 20 times - if I get to hear a joke it has been about the block a few times - but anyway:





Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in
a small coastal Irish community.

After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during
sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a
climax once in a while.

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there
was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village.

The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer,
his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding
with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.

So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel
over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the
young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel
over them as the Vet suggested.

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the
Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex
with her while Paddy waved the big towel.

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming,
ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half
hours.

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a
boasting voice said:

'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fekkin' towel!'
 




Jan 19, 2009
3,151
Worthing
I know it may have been on here 20 times - if I get to hear a joke it has been about the block a few times - but anyway:





Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in
a small coastal Irish community.

After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during
sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a
climax once in a while.

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there
was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village.

The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer,
his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding
with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.

So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel
over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the
young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.

So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel
over them as the Vet suggested.

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the
Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex
with her while Paddy waved the big towel.

They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming,
ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half
hours.

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a
boasting voice said:

'And that, me son, is how ya waves a fekkin' towel!'


After two and a half hours, I'd have thrown in the towel!
 


Icy Gull

Back on the rollercoaster
Jul 5, 2003
72,015
Very good, and it had to be Irish :lol:
 


fraserBHA

New member
Feb 22, 2009
14
Tickets

Does Anyone Want To Buy a ticket for £7 for first game of season aginest wallsall because i wont be able to make it Its in Block H Singing Area Get back to me if you do
 


pishhead

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
5,248
Everywhere
Does Anyone Want To Buy a ticket for £7 for first game of season aginest wallsall because i wont be able to make it Its in Block H Singing Area Get back to me if you do

A very strange first post and in a joke du jour thread!
 




Icy Gull

Back on the rollercoaster
Jul 5, 2003
72,015
No, that one didn't do it for me at all
 




Monsieur Le Plonk

Lethargy in motion
Apr 22, 2009
1,860
By a lake
What about this bit of humour?



Man walks up to a woman in a bar and says, "You're going to get laid tonight".

A bit surprised, she asks, "Really? How do you know that? Are you psychic?"

"No, I'm just stronger than you."

:laugh::laugh::laugh:
 




Jahooli

Well-known member
Feb 12, 2008
1,292
What about this bit of humour?



Man walks up to a woman in a bar and says, "You're going to get laid tonight".

A bit surprised, she asks, "Really? How do you know that? Are you psychic?"

"No, I'm just stronger than you."

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

:nono::nono::nono::nono:
:angry::angry::angry:

Crap on all levels. In my (not even humble) opinion.

What do you call a concert pianist with no arms?

Clever Dick.
 








Man of Harveys

Well-known member
Jul 9, 2003
18,801
Brighton, UK
Does Anyone Want To Buy a ticket for £7 for first game of season aginest wallsall because i wont be able to make it Its in Block H Singing Area Get back to me if you do

That's definitely better than DKM's "effort"
 




Huple

Unregistered
May 28, 2008
798
Standish Sanatarium
Does Anyone Want To Buy a ticket for £7 for first game of season aginest wallsall because i wont be able to make it Its in Block H Singing Area Get back to me if you do

A football fan says to a friend of his, ''Do you want to buy a ticket for the first game of the season against Walsall, its in the singing block if you do ''

The friend says, '' Why cant you go then''

And the football fan says, ''Because I cant sing''






it needs polishing up a bit...................
 




FLOG GNAW

Banned
Sep 21, 2009
1,008
Under Your Skin.
Does Anyone Want To Buy a ticket for £7 for first game of season aginest wallsall because i wont be able to make it Its in Block H Singing Area Get back to me if you do

:dunce: :facepalm: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 


KZNSeagull

Well-known member
Nov 26, 2007
20,833
Wolsingham, County Durham
This one made me laugh. Following his recent visit to the UK, I hope this one isn't too South African:

Jacob Zuma and his aid are in a restaurant for lunch.

The waitress comes over asks what they would like to order.

“I would like a quickie” says Mr Zuma.

The waitress is appalled. “I cannot believe that you have just asked me that, Mr President. Don’t you think that in your current circumstances, you should be keeping a low profile. We do not offer that sort of thing here and I would be grateful if you could order something from the menu”.

The aid turns to Mr Zuma “I think, Mr President, you’ll find it is pronounced Quiche”.
 


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