Joke Du Jour, Just Got @work!

[Northstander]

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in North London and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Spurs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are spurs fans they all raise their hands except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Spurs fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Spurs fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a Huddersfield Town fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Huddersfield Town fan?" "Because my mum and dad are from Huddersfield, and my mum is a Town fan and my dad is a Town fan, so I'm a Town fan too.

"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Huddersfield Town fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"

Mary smiled, "I'd be a Leeds Utd fan."

 

[Locky]

 

[bhaexpress]

Just nicked this one from Maxim.

A man bumps into his Newly EX-wife.

'I had sex with another woman last night' he tells her. 'But I was thinking of you the whole time'.

'Oh, how sweet, did you miss me that much ?' she asks.

'No' he replied 'it stopped me coming too soon'.

 

[teaboy]

 

[Hungry Joe.]

Just nicked this one from Maxim.

A man bumps into his Newly EX-wife.

'I had sex with another woman last night' he tells her. 'But I was thinking of you the whole time'.

'Oh, how sweet, did you miss me that much ?' she asks.

'No' he replied 'it stopped me coming too soon'.

Nice one, that just made me spit out my cuppa soup. I'll have to try that line when I bump into the Ex Mrs.Phaedrus.

"IT'S ALL GOOD STUFF DEAR"

 

[Braders]

 

[bhaexpress]

Nice one, that just made me spit out my cuppa soup. I'll have to try that line when I bump into the Ex Mrs.Phaedrus.

"IT'S ALL GOOD STUFF DEAR"

It amused me as having not seen the Ex Mrs BHA for nearly 13 years she must now be looking very rough.

 

[227 BHA]

Good joke but sorry, needs a couple of changes - see below


A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in North London and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Spurs fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are spurs fans they all raise their hands except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Spurs fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Spurs fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I'm a Brighton and Hove Albion fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Brighton and Hove Albion fan?" "Because my mum and dad are from Brighton, and my mum is an Albion fan and my dad is an Albion fan, so I'm an Albion fan too.

"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Brighton and Hove Albion fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"

Mary smiled, "I'd be a Crystal Palace fan."

 

[Icy Gull]

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very
attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how him how often he had sex. What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it
properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.

 

[Kenhead]

 

[Drooper]

Four nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked.

Later they heard a knock on the door....

"Who is it",

The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".

So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room....

The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said...

"Nice racks sisters, where do you want the blinds??"