Favourite t.v comedy lines

[RowleyBirkinQ.C(deceased)]

Alan- You threw your monkey in the sea??!!
I've just got this image of a monkey hurtling towards the water.

Michael- oh he didn't go straight into the water, he bounced off a rock first.

MICHAEL!!!?



Sent by Derek Acorah via the spirit world.

 

[Ninja Elephant]

"She wasn't the only one, there were others".
"Oh for God sake pal, what is WRONG with you?"

The delivery of those lines is sheer genius. Grim setting, and not a comedy, but I've just been watching it.

 

[Norman Potting]

"These ones are SMALL. THOSE ones are... FAR AWAY" Father Ted.

Joint with

"Well, may I ask what you were expecting to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across the plain" Fawlty Towers

 

[RowleyBirkinQ.C(deceased)]

"She wasn't the only one, there were others".
"Oh for God sake pal, what is WRONG with you?"

The delivery of those lines is sheer genius. Grim setting, and not a comedy, but I've just been watching it.

I know it but can't place it.


Sent by Derek Acorah via the spirit world.

 

[Big G]

"No No No No No........ If you think I'm going to answer any questions on Government policy, you're quite wrong"
Sir Geoffrey Norman....fast show!!!

 

[RowleyBirkinQ.C(deceased)]

Prison doc- are you, or have you ever been a practicing homosexual?

Norman Stanley fletcher- what with these feet?

Prison doc- o.k could you urinate into that beaker please.

Norman Stanley fletcher- What? From here?



Sent by Derek Acorah via the spirit world.

 

[banjo]

Have you got any fork handles fork handles ....... no no four candles. The two Ronnies

 

[Lord Bracknell]

That's nice.

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

From The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin:

[Jimmy is explaining to Reggie what kinds of people his secret army will be against]
Jimmy Anderson: Wreckers of law and order. Communists, Maoists, Trotskyists, neo-Trotskyists, crypto-Trotskyists, union leaders, Communist union leaders, atheists, agnostics, long-haired weirdos, short-haired weirdos, vandals, hooligans, football supporters, namby-pamby probation officers, rapists, papists, papist rapists, foreign surgeons - headshrinkers, who ought to be locked up, Wedgwood Benn, keg bitter, punk rock, glue-sniffers, 'Play For Today', Clive Jenkins, Roy Jenkins, Up Jenkins, up everybody's, Chinese restaurants - why do you think Windsor Castle is ringed with Chinese restaurants?
Reginald Perrin: You realise the sort of people you're going to attract, don't you, Jimmy? Thugs, bully-boys, psychopaths, sacked policemen, security guards, sacked security guards, racialists, Paki-bashers, queer-bashers, Chink-bashers, anybody-bashers, rear Admirals, queer admirals, Vice Admirals, fascists, neo-fascists, crypto-fascists, loyalists, neo-loyalists, crypto-loyalists.
Jimmy Anderson: Do you think so? I thought recruitment might be difficult.

 

[catfish]

Basil Fawlty: You have rats in Spain don't you? or did Franco have them all shot...

 

[beardy gull]

It's a pocket shepherd....

 

[Hastings woody]

" Don't tell him pike." Dads army.

 

[BadFish]

"Monkey Tennis"

I have watched it a hundred times, I know he is going to say it......He says it......... I laugh out loud. Genius.

 

[Matrix10]

Fletcher in the prison hospital... Grodber "Can I get you anything?"
Fletch "Yea can you get me a copy of the Sun..... Oh! and something to read as well."

 

[Seagull58]

From the scene in American Pie 3: The Wedding where the dog is licking wedding cake off Stiefler's crotch and the other guy has his trousers down and is behind the dog holding his back legs and trying to pull him away. His father walks in the room
"Son, back away from the animal"!

 

[Seagull58]

Cameron Diaz in Bad Teacher on being asked if she has a current boyfriend
"I had my eyes on someone but he's going out with a total ****"!

 

[Seagull58]

From The Young Ones
Rick "What's good for a hangover?"
Vivian "8 pints of lager"

 

[clippedgull]

Only Fool & Horses after they had become millionaires finally.

Del: No Rodney, I will buy the sandwiches as you bought the rolls.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

It's a pocket shepherd....

"Being old, they would have died soon anyway. But the dog, cut to ribbons in its prime"

 

[Racek]

Alan Partridge.

"We have a caller on the line who fears he may be a gay, he's married so we'll only refer to him by his christian name. This is Domingo from little Oakley."