Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
FALMER CHAMPAGNE DAY
We, the Falmer residents, would like to invite you all to a champagne reception tomorrow to celebrate the salvation of our village.
As you will no doubt be aware, Falmer Village was to be knocked down, the duckpond drained, and the site completely levelled in preparation for a 90,000 seater stadium and speedway track, for the use of Brighton and Hove Albion FC, the England national team, Eastbourne Eagles, and concerts by Slipknot. The application also incorporated a Tesco superstore, and our parish church was to be converted to a Burger King, to help pay for the stadium construction. Or something.
Anyway, thanks to John Prescott seeing sense and lifting his podgy middle-finger to the entire application, our village has finally been saved. We, the residents, would like you all to join us in raising a glass to commemorate this historic day. Mrs Buggerov-Elsewhere of number 2 will be serving free champagne in her brownies tent outside the village hall from 10am tomorrow.
If you would like to come along, there are just one or two rules we would like you to observe please.
1. We don't like cars (other than our own), so please do not park in the village. Or on the nearby B2118 link road. And we're not keen on you parking at the university either, as we might hear you drive past. In fact, please don't drive at all, just walk. Quietly.
2. Children are not allowed. They are unpredictable and sometimes shout out in excitement whilst running wild. Leave the kiddies at home please.
3. Ensure you are suitably attired, no loud or gaudy clothes please. Gentlemen must be fully dressed in trousers (no shorts), sensible shoes, with a tasteful shirt and a tweed jacket. No bare midriffs please ladies.
4. Please remember not to stare at Mrs Higgins from number 8. She is a third generation inbred, and is uncomfortable with eye contact.
5. No beards.
So come along and enjoy our exquisite, tranquil oasis next to the A27 dual carriageway. We look forward to seeing you.
Lots of love
The Nimbys.
We, the Falmer residents, would like to invite you all to a champagne reception tomorrow to celebrate the salvation of our village.
As you will no doubt be aware, Falmer Village was to be knocked down, the duckpond drained, and the site completely levelled in preparation for a 90,000 seater stadium and speedway track, for the use of Brighton and Hove Albion FC, the England national team, Eastbourne Eagles, and concerts by Slipknot. The application also incorporated a Tesco superstore, and our parish church was to be converted to a Burger King, to help pay for the stadium construction. Or something.
Anyway, thanks to John Prescott seeing sense and lifting his podgy middle-finger to the entire application, our village has finally been saved. We, the residents, would like you all to join us in raising a glass to commemorate this historic day. Mrs Buggerov-Elsewhere of number 2 will be serving free champagne in her brownies tent outside the village hall from 10am tomorrow.
If you would like to come along, there are just one or two rules we would like you to observe please.
1. We don't like cars (other than our own), so please do not park in the village. Or on the nearby B2118 link road. And we're not keen on you parking at the university either, as we might hear you drive past. In fact, please don't drive at all, just walk. Quietly.
2. Children are not allowed. They are unpredictable and sometimes shout out in excitement whilst running wild. Leave the kiddies at home please.
3. Ensure you are suitably attired, no loud or gaudy clothes please. Gentlemen must be fully dressed in trousers (no shorts), sensible shoes, with a tasteful shirt and a tweed jacket. No bare midriffs please ladies.
4. Please remember not to stare at Mrs Higgins from number 8. She is a third generation inbred, and is uncomfortable with eye contact.
5. No beards.
So come along and enjoy our exquisite, tranquil oasis next to the A27 dual carriageway. We look forward to seeing you.
Lots of love
The Nimbys.
fanzine..
