Ever read any Enid Blyton books?

[Lady Whistledown]

Anyone else ever read any of Enid Blyton's books as a kid?

I ask, as I heard yesterday that some TV company's producing TV versions of the whole Famous Five series, albeit updated for the 21st century. Apparently they're replacing Julian, Dick, Anne and George with more contemporary names (I'm guessing Jordan, Chelsea, Tyler and Charmaine), although Timmy the dog will remain the same.

I also assume they'll amend some of Enid Blyton's original text, including typical phrases such as

"Oh Anne, you really are a super cook. You'll make someone a splendid little housewife one day"

"Come along now George. Let's away from here, those dirty gipsies will soon be back"

"I say! That man's black as a ******. No wonder Timmy doesn't like him"

 

[bhafc99]

When we about 10 years old, my sister and I went through the Famous Five books with a pen, 'hilariously' changing phrases such as:

"A shrill cry rang out in the night, scaring Anne awake."
to
"A shrill FART rang out…"

and

"Timmy thumped his tail on the station platform, he was so excited to see the boys again."
to
"Timmy thumped his DICK on the station platform…"

At that age, it was ****ing hilarious.

Ah well. Perhaps you had to be there. And about 10.

 

[cannedheat]

I say! That man's black as a ******. No wonder looney doesn't like him"

Thats better.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

I used to love them, I must confess. And I haven't even grown up to be outrageously racist or misogynistic.

They might have to change the food in it as well, I remember clearly dialogue along the lines of

"Mmmm, what's for supper Aunt Fanny, I'm RAVENOUS"

"Well, there's tinned tongue, potted ham, hard boiled eggs and lashings of ginger beer"

"Mmmm, you are a super cook, Aunt Fanny"



Now it'd be "Mum. Mum! MUM! Where's me dinner?"

"Get your own f***ing dinner, you lazy git, I'm watching Trisha. There's a bit of pizza in the fridge, and half a bottle of Sunny D. You know where the Chinese is, and don't forget my prawn crackers either"

 

[Stat Brother]

Wifey here. When I was a kid I read the whole Famous Five series!!! Totally absorbed. Naturally I would have been George, (I am assuming all the boys would have been Julian?). The phrases were just sooo great, "Oh Timmy you are licky" was a favourite of mine.

As I write this I actually realise how f***ed off I will be if they change it all. How sad am I !!!

Lets hope they leave the Enchanted Wood and the Faraway Tree well alone, who remembers the saucepan man and moon face?

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Lets hope they leave the Enchanted Wood and the Faraway Tree well alone, who remembers the saucepan man and moon face?

That was the one with the flying chair I believe...

Back on the Famous Five, you could always rely on Timmy the Dog to sniff out a villain (unless of course they'd thrown him a poisoned steak), especially a GYPSY villain, usually one who'd kidnapped Uncle Quentin from his secret underground laboratory where he'd been carrying out top level government experiments. The same experiments for which the blueprints would inevitably be found blowing around in the breeze on Billycock Hill, or some such deserted moorland area.

 

[Man of Harveys]

They were excellent. And even as a burgeoning member of the PC brigade, I don't recall anything THAT bad in them at all. I even remember one of the rustic villagers having a cleft palate in one of the books, which, if I'd been curious enough to ask might have taken a bit of explaining.

 

[magoo]

yeah they were very popular growing up in moulsecoombe

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Written now, of course, they'd be called

Five Get Given Detention

Five Film A Happy Slapping

Five Get Arrested For Robbery

Five Get Anihilated On WKD Blue

and

Five Get Themselves An ASBO

 

[Man of Harveys]

Five Hotwire A Vauxhall Astra
Five Get Fellated In Their Teacher's Car
Five Walk Around Parks At Night With Ill-Fitting Jogging Trousers And Dirty Light Blue Caps On And Loudly Pretend To Talk Like Black People

 

[Hiney]

Written now, of course, they'd be called

Five Get Given Detention

Five Film A Happy Slapping

Five Get Arrested For Robbery

Five Get Anihilated On WKD Blue

and

Five Get Themselves An ASBO

You forgot to put 'innit' at the end of each title.

 

[aftershavedave]

Five Walk Around Parks At Night With Ill-Fitting Jogging Trousers And Dirty Light Blue Caps On And Loudly Pretend To Talk Like Black People

ahhhhhh....the southwick soldiers

 

[Hiney]

Upper Fifth at Malory Towers

"Oh Charlotte you beast. I asked you to tongue my clitoris but all you want to do is your Algebra prep. You really are such an awful tease"

What?

 

[Mr Blobby]

Lets hope they leave the Enchanted Wood and the Faraway Tree well alone, who remembers the saucepan man and moon face?

Oh how I laughed when Dame Washalot gave them a good soaking when they went up the tree!

How come my favourite "football land" never arrived?

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Five Hotwire A Vauxhall Astra
Five Get Fellated In Their Teacher's Car
Five Walk Around Parks At Night With Ill-Fitting Jogging Trousers And Dirty Light Blue Caps On And Loudly Pretend To Talk Like Black People

it's funny because it's true

Five Fail All Their GCSEs Because Dey Can Onlee Rite Lk Dis

Five Get a Custodial Sentence

Five Go To Brighton Pride (George and her partner Henrietta, also known as Henry, finally persuade Dick that it's OK to come out of the closet and admit his anguish to Aunt Fanny)

Five Have A Courtroom Battle (Aunt Fanny desperately fights fro custody of the four children and Timmy the dog after Uncle Quentin is implicated in an internet child porn scandal)

Five Send Threatening Text Messages (Anne is thrown out of school after telling another child "ur fukin dead m8, ur mum iz a ho" during her lunchtime break.

 

[pasty]

Didn't read the famous five books, but read lots of other Enid Blytons as a kid. My favourite was "Mr Galliano's Circus", along with the "Brer Rabbit Stories" and "Well Really Mr Twiddle"

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

ARe they just doing 'the famous five' or are they going to do 'the secret seven' too? How about 'the five find outers'?

I loved a bit of enid when I was a kid...

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Upper Fifth at Malory Towers

"Oh Charlotte you beast. I asked you to tongue my clitoris but all you want to do is your Algebra prep. You really are such an awful tease"

What?

"Hurrah, it's lacrosse practice today, but not until after elevenses!"

The contemporary version would be

First Year At Malory Towers
Re-sit The First Year At Malory Towers
Suspended For Smoking At Malory Towers
Getting Pregnant At Malory Towers
Part Time Young Mother Classes at Malory Towers

and the final one in the series

Permanently Excluded From Malory TOwers

(to be followed by the spin off, One Day A Week Classes At The Remedial Centre For Education)

 

[Stat Brother]

That was the one with the flying chair I believe...

That was the wishing chair again!! Oh how it all comes flooding back now!

I would be curious to know if the boys all wanted to be Julian and did any girls really want to be Anne? I was George all the way! I think my mother was a bit worried about that tho!