Dodgy hand shandy?

[El Presidente]

A Cornish man has been arrested for masturbating
into manure. David Truscott liked to visit
Woodbury House Farm, strip down to his shorts
and beat off in a water trough. The farmer got
suspicious after noticing the shape of an arse,
two hand prints and a pile of discarded tissues
in his manure, and tipped off the police. They
caught Truscott in the farm's muckspreader
wanking himself into a froth, wearing just
shiny red shorts and rubber gloves. When they
searched his home the police found 360 pairs
of women's knickers, containers of liquid
sludge and some hard mud.

 

[staylor1234]

i may be thick ...but wot are you going on about

 

[fatboy]

A PERVERT who got a sexual thrill from covering himself in manure and setting fire to things terrorised a farmer's family.

David Truscott prowled Clive Roth's farm at night wearing shiny red shorts and latex gloves, causing thousands of pounds of damage.

The unemployed 35--year-old visited Woodbury House Farm, near Redruth,Cornwall, frequently over a seven-month period to satisfy his sick perversions.

On one occasion, he stripped off, climbed into a muckspreader full of manure and committed a sex act.

Another time, the weirdo, who owned 360 pairs of girls' knickers and slept in women's pyjamas, rolled around in manure while attempting to set fire to a tractor. He also set fire to and destroyed a timber shed, animal feed and a barn.

Truscott, of Redruth, yesterday admitted three counts of arson and one of burglary.

Prosecutor Simon Jones said the Roth family became increasingly terrified by Truscott's behaviour, Matters came to a head this month, when items were stolen and the imprint of buttocks appeared in manure, surrounded by tissues.

Police set up a surveillance operation and caught Truscott, who was carrying a bag full of underwear, women's trousers and firelighters.

Magistrates referred the case to Truro Crown Court for sentencing next month.

 

[The Large One]

Did this come from Stan Collymore's book?

 

[Incredigull]

Should've tossed this story into the bin .

 

[Scarface]

 

[Kev the Ape]

for writing such a shit story.