Best Excuse For Calling A Sickie?

[ali jenkins]

Ive just called work and told them that i have a sore throat and i dont want my throat infection to come back!

Whats your best excuse?

 

[Bluejuice]

Always gotta play the runny bum card I think. People will rarely argue if you detail the extent of your anal avalanching. A really good trick is to prepare some sound effects and call from the bathroom, letting your boss know where you are and why you're not coming in. Guarantee they're not gonna question you further

 

[Lander]

Just tell them i have a football match for the college! (the fact that they know i don\\\'t play for them doesn\\\'t seem to bother them )

Think i might have to call in sick on wednesday

 

[British Bulldog]

The summer of 1986 I had to go sick for a month because I got attacked by a caterpillar that fell out of my apple tree when I was mowing the lawn. The bleeding thing left me with a chicken pox type rash all over my body & the doctor told me to cover myself all over in calamine lotion, Needed anti biotics as well. As it coincided with the world cup nobody at work believed me.

 

[bathseagull]

best one i've heard was a mate who told work that as he was rushing through the kitchen, he cut his leg on an open tin can that was sticking out of the bin...

also told them that he had burnt himself on the hot water pipe in the shower...

really he had just slept in, both times

he went through a lot of jobs

 

[Jesus Gul]

Two spring to mind:

1, Oooh I've injured my back sitting down with my young son on my knee at the top of the waterslide at the Burgess Hill Triangle leisure centre. Had to be ambulanced to the Royal Sussex where I've been administered the maximum amount of morphine one is allowed and kept in over night and where I am phoning you from now

and

2, Aaah I fell of the running machine at the gym and wasn't wearing the auto stop cord so was belt sanded to an inch of my life before I could escape from the thing.

work didn't believe me on either occasion...but both true!!!

 

[Giraffe]

Back in 96 when we had that rearranged match with York on a Thursday morning, 11am kick off or something, I staged a convincing performance of having the shits. Totally believable, although was nearly caught out when one of our clients was also at the game!

 

[Cian]

The shits always works, as said above, they aren't gonna question you. And considering I work somewhere with an expected sickie rate of one day in twenty, it can be very useful

 

[desprateseagull]

tummyrot, from badly cooked steak (on a new BBQ..)

overcome by fumes, from decorating the house..

bad case of CBA - just Cant Be Arsed!)

 

[Da Man Clay]

I slipped a disc in my back playing football, Ended up being off work for a month and a half.

 

[desprateseagull]

be careful you stay out of th public eye, if on a sickie- i recall that a man went to see a (televised, duh!) snooker match, and his boss spotted him in the audience!

 

[tedebear]

When I worked for Deutsche Bank in Sydney I had to ring them one Monday morning to tell them I wouldn't be in for a few days as I couldn't sit down properly - I'd fallen on to a BBQ and squewered my botty on a chicken kebab, I was playing cricket slightly tipsy at a friends party.... I managed three days off but probably shouldn't have gone back so soon as the train trip into work (50 odd minutes) was agony on the thursday...

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

The Director (non shareholding) where my wife used to work was the laziest fat bastard ever. He was everlastingly taking time off sick, getting in late or leaving early. I list some of his gems below;

"I fell over and broke my glasses"
"I can't find my wallet"
"I pulled over because I was tired and fell asleep"
"I'm taking my wife ("Sweetie") to the doctor as she has RSI"
"I have to leave early to do the washing up as Sweetie is suffering from RSI"
"My son has a cold"(He's 15)
"I need to go and buy hay for the rabbit"
"I've tripped over the rabbit"
"I have a kidney infection"
"I have sickness & the runs"
"I feel terrible" (non specific)
"I have to go for some injections"
"I fell over and ripped my trousers"
"My mother is ill"
"My lights aren't working" (New car)
"My tyre has a puncture"
"I'll be working from home" (Sleeping)
"Got caught in traffic and had to turn back"
"I have to take the kids to school" (Stopping at McDonalds on the way)
"I have to pick the kids up from school" (via KFC)

and many more...all in the space of a year!

 

[Napper]

I once said I got mugged in town and had black eyes etc. Couldnt come to work due to having clients etc + impression it would make.
Had a whole week off kicking back ,
Only prob was when I got back to work , everyone wanted to know the story.

Blamed it on Chavs and didnt see their faces.

 

[Thimble Keegan]

As above, you just cannot beat the "case of the trots/dodgy guts" line.

Albion & England forever.

Thimble Keegan
Worthing BHA

 

[ali jenkins]

Ive used that squits excuse but i acctually did have a throat infection a few months ago so i thaught id try and see how long i could drag it out for!

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

The shits is always the best excuse.On the back to work interview I tell the admin girl about every visit to the khazi resembling a load shoes falling out of the loft"ok that's more than I need to know"and signs the paperwork,sorted

 

[cannedheat]

When I did work for a living I often wanted to phone in and tell them I had Stigmata.

 

[scooter1]

A mate once phoned in and said he had malaria, they believed him too. He went back the next day right as 9pence

 

[Normal Rob]

managed to get Friday off as my wife was ill and i had to stay at home and look after our 6 month old girl - which was nice.

best ever was after i tore my achilles and was signed off work for 3 months. spent most of the time in the pub on crutches!