Icy Gull
Back on the rollercoaster
- Jul 5, 2003
- 72,015
A few quotes to bring a smile to your day.
'Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet'.
Robin Williams.
'When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car'. Instead of getting
married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a
house."
Steven Seagal.
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be
dead."
Johnny Carson.
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez.
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and
that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld.
"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers.
'If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex
life at all'
Rodney Dangerfield.
'Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that
money can buy'.
Steve Martin.
'My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex,she objects'.
Les Dawson.
'I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. '
Woody Allen.
There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz SLK 230
convertible.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman:
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Emo Philips.
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams.
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
Marilyn Pittman.
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I
visited the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen.
Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde.
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do
what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"
and "Keep away from children".
A Mum.
Finally, one of the all-time best quotes:
In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he didn't
think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured
and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His
answer was a classic; Schwartzkopf said, "I believe that forgiving them is
God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting
'Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet'.
Robin Williams.
'When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car'. Instead of getting
married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a
house."
Steven Seagal.
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be
dead."
Johnny Carson.
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
Paul Rodriguez.
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and
that's the law.
Jerry Seinfeld.
"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers.
'If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex
life at all'
Rodney Dangerfield.
'Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that
money can buy'.
Steve Martin.
'My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex,she objects'.
Les Dawson.
'I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. '
Woody Allen.
There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal,
particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz SLK 230
convertible.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman:
Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Emo Philips.
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams.
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
Marilyn Pittman.
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I
visited the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen.
Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde.
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do
what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin"
and "Keep away from children".
A Mum.
Finally, one of the all-time best quotes:
In a recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was asked if he didn't
think there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harboured
and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His
answer was a classic; Schwartzkopf said, "I believe that forgiving them is
God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the meeting
GENIUS!
