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[Football] What is the best (and worst) line in football commentary you have ever witnessed?











Eeyore

Colonel Hee-Haw of Queen's Park
NSC Patron
Apr 5, 2014
25,403
The bowler's holding the batsman's willy.

Oops, sorry, wrong messageboard :blush:
I'm not convinced that was ever said by Johno, although it was his type of thing.

Without Peter Jones, we cannot not have Bryon Buttler...

 




DJ NOBO

Well-known member
Jul 18, 2004
6,725
Wiltshire
This is outside the remit of the opening post, but one of the most exciting, spine tingling pieces of sports commentary I have heard was the TMS coverage of the last hour of Ben Stokes'/ Jack Leach's final wicket stand at Headingley in 2019.
Test Match Special commentary is, or at least was, the pinnacle of sports commentary
 


Blinkers

Active member
Jul 8, 2020
190
MotD, Ian Wright analysing a Wolves goal. “… and Wan curves it in there… lovely’. Background titters from Shearer and Lineker. I do believe they deliberately contrived to get live swearing on TV. The producer must’ve been livid!
 




DJ NOBO

Well-known member
Jul 18, 2004
6,725
Wiltshire
Several years ago one of Oxford United’s junior players scored the winner in a vital cup shoot out.

The radio oxford commentator said:

“90 pounds a week, they pay him…..they’ll have to give him a pay rise”.

Maybe not up there with the best of Motson but it always stuck in my head.
 




Han Solo

Well-known member
May 25, 2024
1,901
Swedish expert commentator calling Jose Mari (former Spanish international known for his diving) "more Mari than José". Not something you can say in Swedish tv and the expert commentator didn't get more gigs after that... but it was pretty funny and rather accurate.
 






lawros left foot

Glory hunting since 1969
Jun 11, 2011
13,919
Worthing
Not football, and not a commentator but, I was once watching a Gillette cup cricket match between Somerset and Surrey, when during a quiet bit, a lone voice from the crowd said in a broad West Country accent “ Here, you in the green coat, I’d like to f**k your Missus”

Unfortunately, before the days of being able to rewind tvs, but very funny at the time.
 






Herr Tubthumper

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
61,734
The Fatherland
Maggie Thatcher can you hear me? Maggie Thatcher, Maggie Thatcher, your boys took a hell of a beating.!!
In my life time this is the best.
 


















Not Andy Naylor

Well-known member
Dec 12, 2007
8,945
Seven Dials
As has been said here, the best commentary finds the right words for the occasion and conveys the excitement of the moment (Millard\s 'The crowd goes mad, we go mad" at Hereford).

So the worst piece of commentary has to be David Coleman's leaden words as Kevin Keegan scored the opening goal of the 1974 FA Cup Final against Newcastle. Two noisy sets of fans, a huge event, and what was then the only live club game shown on TV,. The goal itself was a stunning strike as Keegan flicked the ball up and volleyed it in from the edge of the penalty area.

The best Coleman could manage? "Goals pay the rent, and Keegan does his share." What??? Banal, ill-judged, unworthy of the big stage.
 




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